Hello Comic Strips
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102 Results for Hello
View 1 - 10 results for hello comic strips. Discover the best "Hello" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday December 11,
1995
Tags #email, #fax it, #goodby paperless, #hello cluless
Transcript
The Boss hands his secretary a document and says, "Send this by e-mail." The Boss continues, "Fax it, too, in case he doesn't check his e-mail. And mail the original so he has a clean copy." As the Boss walks away, the secretary says, "Goodbye 'paperless,' hello 'clueless.'"
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Monday February 28,
2005
Tags #meeting in elbonia, #take a class, #culture, #accidentally offend, #hello, #gestures, #2 meaning gestures
Transcript
"Wally, I want you to attend a meeting for me... It's in Elbonia." "First, you'll need to take a class on their culture so you won't accidently offend them." "This gesture either means "Hello" or "I'd like to see your mittens on my bedroom floor , baby.""
Saturday January 14,
2012
Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way, #business
Transcript
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Sunday February 12,
2012
Tags #frustration, #tech support, #ticket window, #evaluated, #how helpful, #trouble tickets, #stubborness, #obsticle, #financial success, #disconnected, #new stranger, #hating
Transcript
Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.
Sunday June 17,
2012
Tags #telephones, #reprogrammed speed dial, #cellphone, #calls himself, #intelligence test, #hold on, #failed intelligence test, #20 minutes
Transcript
Dilbert: I reprogrammed our pointy-haired boss/ speed dial on his desk phone. Now every time he tries to use speed dial, it calls his own cellphone. It's like an intelligence test. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it our. Boss: I'd better take this. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hold on. Hold on. For the hundredth time, don't tell me to hold on! I'm telling you to hold on! Carol: Twenty minutes so far.
Tuesday July 18,
1989
Tags #dinosaurs, #joke, #pun, #puns
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't believe it; all this time I thought dinosaurs were extinct, but they were just hiding in my house. Hello, A-1 Exterminator? I have dinosaurs... what kind?... I don't know. I've only heard them... Dinosaur: Thesaurus. Dilbert: Maybe a Thesaurus or two... hello?
Monday July 31,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #mr. snow, #the boss, #neal, #contact lens
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, I'd like you to meet Mr. Snow- Your new boss. Dilbert: Hello, Mr. Snow Mr. Snow: Neal, please. That's my name: "Neal." Dilbert: Uh... Contact lens.
Tuesday August 22,
1989
Tags #helen, #asking, #date, #Women, #first-strike, #capability
Transcript
Dilbert picks up a ringing phone. Dilbert says, "Hello." The voice on the phone says, "This is Helen. We've never met but don't even THINK of asking me for a date . . . ever." Helen hangs up. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Women got first-strike capability." Dogbert says, "Surrender."
Friday September 15,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #social anxiety, #fire alarm, #manners, #grins
Transcript
Dilbert walks down the hallway thinking, "Oh, crap. This is the third time today that I will walk by this same guy in the hall. I barely know him." Dilbert continues thinking, "This is so awkward. The first time, I said 'hello.' The second time we both made those closed-mouth grins and arched our eyebrows. What do I do the third time?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . So I pulled the fire alarm." Dogbert says, "I don't think Miss Manners is gonna back you on this one."
Monday October 02,
1989
Tags #ed mcmahaon, #sweepstakes, #mailed, #forgot stamp, #mailed sweepsteak
Transcript
Dilbert answers the door and says, "Hello . . . Wait, aren't you . . .?" The person at the door answers, "Ed McMahon." Ed McMahon asks, "Do you remember that sweepstakes entry you mailed?" Dilbert replies excitedly, "Yes yes!!" Ed McMahon hands Dilbert a letter and says, "You forgot to put a stamp on it."