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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2013's comic on:

Tags #surveillance, #terrorists, #film colonoscpy, #video, #hide in caves, #violation of privacy

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Boss: Dilbert says the government wants me to film my colonoscopy and give them the video so they can check for terrorists. Catbert: That makes perfect sense. Terrorists come in all sizes and they like to hide in caves. Boss: It seems like a violation of my privacy. Catbert: Whose side are you on?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1995's comic on:

Tags #change, #prehistoric times, #ancestors, #caves, #grunting, #not very productive, #all day long

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Dilbert sits at his desk and faces Wally who is holding a cup of coffee. Dilbert says to Wally, "It's amazing how much we've changed since prehistoric times." Dilbert continues, "Our ancestors just sat around in caves, grunting and drawing on the wall." Wally comments, "Not very productive." Dilbert draws crude pictures on the blackboard in his cubicle. He tells Wally, "It was just this, all day long." Wally answers, "Mmm. Yup."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1990's comic on:

Tags #hairballs, #dust, #bunny, #cultural, #home, #hide, #clumps, #under, #furniture, #nip, #bud

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A large rabbit taps Dogbert on the back. Dogbert turns around and shouts, "Holy hairballs! What are you?!!" The bunny replies, "I am the 'Dust Bunny,' an emerging cultural icon." The bunny explains, "Once a year I come to every home and hide clumps of dust under furniture and major appliances." The dust bunny says, "You must honor me by decorating closet doors and singing dust hymns." Dogbert asks, "What about gifts? Do I get any gifts out of this?" The dust bunny replies, "No. The dust bunny symbolizes only love, goodwill and very poor housekeeping." Dogbert sucks up the dust bunny with a vacuum cleaner. He looks at the reader and says, "I know, it seems harsh, but you have to nip these things in the bud." The dust bunny cries from inside the vacuum, "Okay, gifts!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2002's comic on:

Tags #ceo visit, #hide in restorrom, #too soon, #start dream assignment

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The Boss says, "Wally, our CEO is visiting next week. I want you to hide in the restroom." Wally opens his drawer to take out his things. The Boss stops him and says, "It's too soon." Wally replies, "It's never too soon to start a dream assignment."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2003's comic on:

Tags #work, #requirements, #cleverly hide comptenece, #workflow

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I can't start the project because the user won't give me his requirements." The Boss replies, "Start making something anyway. Otherwise we'll look unhelpful." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to cleverly hide our competence." The Boss responds, "You think too much."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2007's comic on:

Tags #ceo's meeting, #boos, #Dilbert, #status on technology, #platform migration, #nothing to hide, #100 drunken clowns, #beed in their underpants, #decline in morale, #pretending tow ork, #get fired, #hide things

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CEO Meeting The Boss: "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." CEO: "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" The Boss: "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." Dilbert: "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2014's comic on:

Tags #inventions, #artificial intelligence, #software, #phb test, #hide, #html5, #talking, #engineering

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Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2015's comic on:

Tags #deception, #dishonest, #dishonesty, #honest, #honesty, #lying, #reverse psychology, #trick, #trickery, #noteworthy, #hide evil, #verbal assault, #easiest lie, #set up

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Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 1989's comic on:

Tags #pun, #puns, #joke, #joking, #dinosaur, #dinosaurs, #hiding

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Bob: Hey... you were right. Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I'm Bob. She's Dawn. We were hiding in your house. Dilbert: Only one kind of dinosaur could hide that well... Dawn: Correct: A Nobodysaurus.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1990's comic on:

Tags #dinosaur, #Dogbert, #pretending, #extinct, #comeback, #elvis', #jumpsuits

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Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs confront Dogbert. Bob says, "Dogbert, we can't stand hiding around the house anymore." Bob looks out the window and says, "We dinosaurs ruled this planet once. Now we just hide in people's houses, pretending to be extinct." Bob takes Dawn's hands and says, "Dawn, it's time for our comeback tour." Dogbert says, "I think some of Elvis's jumpsuits will fit."