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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 1995's comic on:


Tags #no surpirses, #hideous thing, #scares me, #auditor, #sound

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Dogbert introduces the Grim Reaper to the Boss. Dogbert says, "My consultant will audit your company to make sure there are no surprises before I buy it." The Boss looks shocked. Dogbert sits on the edge of the desk while the Grim Reaper looks through a stack of documents. Dogbert says to the Boss, "I use him because he's seen such hideous things that nothing scares him." The Grim Reaper looks at a document and says, "Erk." The Grim Reaper throws documents into the air and shouts, "AAAAAEEII!! OOOUWAA WAA!!" Dogbert says to the Boss, "That's not the sound you want from your auditor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #developed app, #spare time, #awful thing, #lees hinest, #marketing, #business

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Ted: I developed this app in my spare time. What do you think? Dilbert: I think you made spare time look like an awful thing. If you'd like a less honest answer, I can recommend someone in marketing. Ted: I might try that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #time travel, #elbonia, #time, #70 years future, #great grandson, #set thing, #won't work out, #cave, #pool, #monster, #gun

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Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #telephones, #get tech support, #audio menu, #tech support, #user manuals, #hate customers, #apathy thing

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Dogbert: I researched how long your customers will stay on the phone trying to get tech support before giving up. Then I designed an audio menu tree that will take them slightly longer than that to reach your tech support. I've seen your user manuals and I assume that you hate your customers' guts. Boss: It's more of an apathy thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #researching every state, #engineer, #solemn duty, #stamp out ignorance, #real thing, #googled it, #engineering

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Woman: Please stop researching every statement I make. Dilbert: I can't. As an engineer, it is my solemn duty to stamp out ignorance. Woman: That's not a real thing. Dilbert: See for yourself. I just Googled it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #christmas presents, #sweaters, #ugly sweater, #lose a bet, #gift from mom, #hideous sweater

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Alice: What's up with the ugly sweater? Did you lose a bet? Dilbert: This? Oh, right. It was a gift from my mom. I'm wearing it once in case she asks me later. Alice: Did you know it was hideous before I told you? Dilbert: Maybe.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #quick question, #only on line, #slapping, #less risk, #dumb thing

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Tina: Wally, I have a quick question. Wally: Hold it. Stop right there. I only collaborate online, where there's less risk of some angry nut job slapping me. Tina: That's the dumbest thing... Wally: Gaaa!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ex boyfriends, #love, #disappeared, #trace, #strangest, #thing, #cheese cake, #dessert, #cart

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Dilbert and an enormous woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert shakes as he asks, "Y-y-you m-m-mean ALL of your ex-boyfriends disappeared without a trace?" Janet replies, "Yeah. It's the strangest thing . . ." Dilbert thinks, "Good Lord, she must have eaten them!!" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . So while she was sucking the cheesecake off the dessert cart, I dove out the window." Dilbert's clothes are ripped and his head is bandaged.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #buckingham palace, #princess, #kiss, #frog, #witch's, #curse, #lady di, #hideous, #creatures, #awkward, #Family, #reunions

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Dogbert stands on a chair and Dogbert the Frog sits next to him. Dogbert says into the telephone, "Hello . . . Buckingham Palace? I was wondering if the Princess would be willing to kiss a frog and remove a witch's curse for us." Dogbert says into the phone, "Oh . . . Lady Di does not kiss hideous little creatures . . ." Dogbert says, "That must be mighty awkward at family reunions . . . Hello?" Dilbert covers his eyes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #Dilbert, #cult, #enforcers, #hideous, #cynical, #nature, #organization, #part

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Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor across from Dogbert. Bob says, "We heard you're forming a cult. Can we join?" Dogbert says, "Hmm . . ." Dogbert replies, "Yeah . . . I could use some enforcers to help me conceal the hideous and cynical nature of my organization. You're in . . ." Bob raises his arms over his head and yells, "Yes! We made it!" Dawn asks, "Bob, should we ask about the hideous part?"