Search Results for "high fees"
Share October 27, 1994's comic on:
"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."
Share October 15, 1997's comic on:
On television, Dogbert speaks in a paid commercial about his mutual fund. Dogbert says, "Studies have shown that monkeys can pick stocks better than most professionals." The Boss watches the tv commercial. Dogbert says, "That's why the Dogbert mutual fund employs only monkeys." Dogbert sits at a desk surrounded by monkeys. Dogbert says, "Yes, our fees are high, but I don't apologize for hiring the best."
Share November 19, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: You need to have more "gotcha" fees. That's how airlines make their money. For example, you could design your product to have a terrible battery life, then sell extra chargers for ten times your cost. CEO: And maybe the chargers could break after two months. Dogbert: High five!
Share May 05, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?
Share July 25, 2011's comic on:
Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.
Share November 20, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Share February 08, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?
Share June 02, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"
Share May 17, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "I'll get us some sodas, Ratbert." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Feel free to gnaw on some high voltage wires, or whatever rats do, until I return." Dogbert returns with the cans of soda. Ratbert looks burned and smoke rises from his body. Ratbert says, "I don't know why we do that, but it sure works up a thirst."
Share August 22, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I lost my fortune in a high-risk investment." Dilbert asks, "Junk bonds?" Dogbert covers his eyes and says, "Checking account at 'Ethel's Savings and Loan!'"