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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 1996's comic on:

Tags #department newsletter, #high profile assignment, #technical writer, #intern and rodent, #spats page, #raise based, #topless model

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The Boss, Tina the Tech Writer, Asok the Intern and Ratbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I want you three to write the department newsletter. It's an important, high-profile assignment." Tina says, "I am an experienced technical writer. You have placed me on a project with an intern and a rodent." Tina continues, "MY next raise will depend on THEIR performance." Asok says, "I'll do the sports page!" Ratbert says, "I'll be the topless model on page two."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2007's comic on:

Tags #finished work, #high profile assignment, #create docuemnt, #rout it around, #how to keep intern busy

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Asok: "I finished all of my work, and now I'm available for another high profile assignment." The Boss: "Create a document and route it around for approval." Asok: "On what topic?" The Boss: "How to keep an intern busy."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #frustration, #office workers, #solving problem, #stadardization policies, #high five

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Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2011's comic on:

Tags #fraternization, #friendship, #laziness, #wing man, #for laziness, #productivity retardant, #high priority, #relationships

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Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss

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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #deception, #office workers, #planning, #assignments, #entre schedule, #next assignment

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Wally: I spent all of last week planning how to get everything done this week. Boss: Add one more thing. Wally: Okay, but I'll need to replan my entire schedule. Boss: How long will that take? Wally: Until you give me the next assignment.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2012's comic on:

Tags #low margin lines, #high risk, #start up, #lumbering inefficiencies, #buy in

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Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2012's comic on:

Tags #monkeys, #big picture, #motivated, #monkey, #assignment, #eating banana, #imitating monkey, #animals

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Dilbert: I would feel more motivated if I knew how my assignment fits into the big picture. Boss: You don't need to be motivated. A monkey could do your assignment while eating a banana. Like this. Ooh-ooh-ooh! Dilbert: I think we're moving in the wrong direction.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #vital, #performance, #stupider, #project, #high visibility, #country, #salute, #janitors' strike

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #mutt, #chew, #assignment, #homework, #dog, #eat

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A boy walks up behind Dogbert and yells, "Yo! Mutt!!" The boy holds out a piece of paper and continues, "I need an excuse for not doing my homework. Chew on this assignment sheet and I'll say 'A dog ate it.'" The boy sits in a classroom desk and says, "A dog made me eat it." The boy's clothes are ripped and his face is dirty.