High Rise Inferno Comic Strips
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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss peers around the corner and says, "Congratulations!" The Boss continues, "You've been named 'floor warden.'" The Boss explains, "In the event of a fire we'll rely on your leadership to get us out safely." Dilbert says, "Let me see if I understand this . . ." Dilbert continues, "YOU're the leader when it involves uninformed decisions in return for huge stock options." Dilbert continues, "But I'M the leader when it comes to rishing death in a highrise inferno while you scramble over the ashen backs of fallen co-workers." Dilbert asks, "What makes you think your life is worth more than mine?" The Boss replies, "I've got stock options and you're a floor warden." Dilbert says, "Don't expect any CPR."
boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.
Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?
Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Your new project will be VITAL to the performance of this company!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "The more he talks it up the stupider the project must be." The Boss says, ". . . High visibility, a chance to excel and be noticed!" The Boss continues, "In fact, I stand to salute you for the job you will be doing! You're what makes this country great!!" Dilbert asks, "Does this have anything to do with the janitors' strike?"
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "My program predicts that the cost of college will rise twenty percent a year . . ." Dilbert continues, "Now, throw in the cost of orthodontia and haircuts . . ." Dilbert reads a printout and says to Dogbert, "I can either have a child or buy Norway . . ."
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "I'll get us some sodas, Ratbert." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Feel free to gnaw on some high voltage wires, or whatever rats do, until I return." Dogbert returns with the cans of soda. Ratbert looks burned and smoke rises from his body. Ratbert says, "I don't know why we do that, but it sure works up a thirst."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I lost my fortune in a high-risk investment." Dilbert asks, "Junk bonds?" Dogbert covers his eyes and says, "Checking account at 'Ethel's Savings and Loan!'"