Higher Paying Job Comic Strips
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Dilbert, the boss and a male employee are sitting at a table. The employee who has a lap-top in front of him says: "You're all idiots. I quit!" The male employee is typing on his lap-top and says: "There ... I found a higher paying job two miles away. Adios, suckers." A female employee standing between Dilbert and the boss says: "I'm the new web designer. I hear you're idiots. Where's the ethernet jack?"
The boss interviews a disguised Alice. The boss says, "I'm prerpared to offer you $120,000 per year plus a parking space for your gigantic hat." Alice pulls ofer her hat and glasses and says, "Ha ha! It is I, Alice! I accept your offer for a higher-paying job!" Catbert takes of the boss mask and says, "ha ha! It is I, Catbert! I'm not authorized to hire anyone!" Alice says, "#!*ing cat!"
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"
Dilbert and Wally stand in the office kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, Wally says, "So I'm thinking I'll resign, then I'll reapply for my current job at a higher salary." As they walk back to their cubicles, Dilbert says, "That's a good plan except for the fact that you're thoroughly unqualified for your current job." Wally says, "I need to share my unrealistic plans with a friend who isn't an engineer." Dilbert says, "I'm more of a co-worker than a friend, per se."
Tags #unqualified, #position, #job, #higher salray, #negotiate riase, #irrational dipwad, #easily manipulated, #bogus compariosns, #illusion of scaricity, #can't have you, #desparate to hire, #rationalizations, #total lack of qaulifications, #write the offer, #business
"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."
Alice addresses a meeting, "If there are no objections, I'd like to start the meeting with a prayer." Asok starts, "I'm a...." Alice prays, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of idiots, I shall fear no downsizing." Asok starts, "But I'm..." Alice continues praying, "For I have a fist of death and highly marketable job skills." Alice continues praying, "But my investment portfolio isn't doing as well as I'd hoped." Alice continues praying, "So, if it's not too much to ask..." Alice continues praying, "I need a higher return so I can escape these clowns." Alice exclaims, "And live in splendor while they stew in their own bile!" After the prayer, The Boss responds, "Maybe we won't do this again." Alice responds, "Whatever you say, heathen."
"I'd like a job where I can telecommute every day." "It should be high-paying yet have goals which can't be measured." "So, you'd stay home and we'd mail you checks?" "I was hoping for direct deposit."
Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."
"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."
"After the merger, we'll have two CEOs sharing the top job." "A spokesperson explained 'If our stockholders don't mind paying one CEO 450 times the average employee's salary..." "...They shouldn't mind doing it twice.'"