Higher Setting Comic Strips
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69 Results for Higher Setting
View 1 - 10 results for higher setting comic strips. Discover the best "Higher Setting" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 01,
2011
Tags #anger, #marriage, #fist of work, #feel the wrath, #totally legal, #eye canons, #single, #higher setting, #politically incorrect, #relationships
Transcript
Alice: I have been informed that it is politically incorrect to use my fist of death at work. So fell the wrath of my totally legal eye cannons! Noise: Budddabudda!! Asok: Gaa!! Alice: Oops. I didn't know you were single. Married guys can take a higher setting.
Sunday December 16,
2007
Tags #highest raise, #exceed expectations, #thought possible, #goals higher, #incompetent, #setting goals, #maximum achievement, #choices
Transcript
"The Boss: I can't give you the highest raise because you didn't exceed expectations." Dilbert: "If you thought it was possible for me to exceed my expectations, you would have set the goals higher." "So there are only two possibilities here." "Either you are incompetent at setting goals..." "Or I attained the maximum possible achievement and I deserve the maximum raise." "Which is it?" The Boss: "Can I hear those two choices again?"
Monday May 28,
2012
Tags #apathy, #late, #setting priorities, #boss, #meeting, #excuse, #conference table, #coffee cup, #apology, #business
Transcript
Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.
Thursday March 30,
1995
Tags #built a spreadsheet, #relative qualities, #twenty percent, #stop dating, #wrong formula, #higher math skills, #error intentional, #batch of flowers
Transcript
Liz sits at her computer and Dilbert looks over her shoulder. Liz says, "I built a spreadsheet to compare our relative qualities. I'm afraid I'm twenty percent too good for you. We must stop dating." Dilbert points at the screen and says, "NO! Look, Liz, you have the wrong formula in this column! That must mean I have higher math skills than you! We're almost even!" After Dilbert leaves, Liz sits at her computer and Dogbert sits on her printer. Dogbert says to Liz, "You left that error in there intentionally." Liz answers, "My last batch of flowers is wilting."
Thursday August 24,
1995
Tags #dilbert expense voucher, #meals on trip, #travel guidelines, #pigeon, #hotel, #travel iron, #taking long, #wool setting
Transcript
Dilbert is tied up and hanging upside down. A demonlike clerk says to him, "You spent nearly $10 per day on meals during your trip." The clerk continues, "The travel guidelines require you to stun a pigeon with your briefcase on the way to the hotel then fry it up on your travel iron." Dilbert responds, "I tried . . . but it was taking so long." The clerk suggests, "Try the 'wool' setting."
Monday April 22,
1996
Tags #catbert hr driector, #new employees, #always quit, #reapply, #old job, #higher salary, #catnip, #rubbing body
Transcript
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"
Tuesday April 23,
1996
Tags #co worker, #current job, #engineer, #higher salary, #throughly unqualified, #unrealistic plans, #wally resign, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally stand in the office kitchen. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, Wally says, "So I'm thinking I'll resign, then I'll reapply for my current job at a higher salary." As they walk back to their cubicles, Dilbert says, "That's a good plan except for the fact that you're thoroughly unqualified for your current job." Wally says, "I need to share my unrealistic plans with a friend who isn't an engineer." Dilbert says, "I'm more of a co-worker than a friend, per se."
Thursday August 15,
1996
Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #contract employee, #rehired, #higher salary, #downsized, #dumb, #hire third time, #parable, #ant and spider, #both boring
Transcript
Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk and says, "I was fired once, but I came back as a contract employee. Later I was rehired at a higher salary." Wally continues, "Now I'm being downsized again. Do you think they'll be dumb enough to hire me a third time?" Dogbert says, "Your story reminds me of the parable of the ant and the spider." Wally asks, "Really? How?" Dogbert replies, "They're both boring."
Saturday October 19,
1996
Tags #trade show, #prodcuts, #defective, #stayed up, #setting booth
Transcript
The caption says, "At the trade show." A man asks Alice, "What can you tell me about your products?" Alice replies, "Our products are defective, much like yourself." Alice tells Asok, "I probably shouldn't have stayed up all night setting up the booth." The man asks, "What are you doing later?"
Saturday January 18,
1997
Tags #business like christianity, #faithful and obidient, #obtain bliss, #afterlife, #reincarnation model, #higher level employment, #bio degrade, #become wd40, #dinosuar
Transcript
Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."