Search Results for "highly defective"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 92

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1995's comic on:

Tags #habits of highly defective people, #ignore signs, #belittle people, #newest team, #all complainers fault, #motivate me, #therapist, #controversial issues, #barney as mascot, #assembly line code, #prejudices, #crisp photo copy, #cpmics, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

The panel contains the title, "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People." The caption says, "1. Ignore any signs of discomfort in others." The Boss sits across the table from a dusty skeleton and says, "But hey, I've been doing all of the talking." The caption says, "2. Use humor to belittle people in public." The Boss puts his arm around a man and tells Wally, "Our newest team member has movie star looks. Specifically, Lassie." Wally laughs. The caption says, "3. Treat all complaints as the complainer's fault." Dilbert says, "You don't motivate me." The Boss replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist." The caption says, "4. Show up late and raise controversial issues." The Boss walks into a meeting room and says, "I think we should license 'Barney' as our mascot." The caption says, "5. Give advice on things you don't understand." The Boss points to Dilbert's monitor and says, "Try writing some assembly line code here." The caption says, "6. Use compliments to show your prejudices." The Boss says to Alice, "Ooh, nice crisp photocopy, Alice. I don't think a man could have done it better!" The caption says, "7. Think the comics are not about you." The Boss reads the newspaper and says, "Hee hee! Look at the hair on that guy!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2003's comic on:

Tags #legal department, #products, #highly defective, #user specification, #ate letter, #hugely defective prodcut

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our legal department advises us to destroy any documents that show we know our products are hugely defective." "CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP, CHEW, CHEW, GULP." Alice: "Do you have room in there for the user specifications?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2012's comic on:

Tags #editors, #writing, #pointless, #confusing, #technical writer, #highly trained, #trick question, #paragraph two

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Your second paragraph is pointless and confusing. Let's just delete it. Tina: I'm a highly trained technical writer. What makes you think you can do my job better? Dilbert: That might be a trick questions, but I'm pretty sure the answer is paragraph two.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1994's comic on:

Tags #new strategy, #tech support, #that customers, #user manual, #defective products

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our new strategy is to make defective products and charge for technical support. Heh- heh ...our user manual is totally incomprehensible. we didn't plan it that way - we were lucky, Dilbert: Im so proud to be here. The Boss: It all came together when I realized I hate our customers.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1994's comic on:

Tags #3 hour meeting, #doesn't apply, #highly paid contractor, #oxygen to brains, #multimedia developer

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: It looks like you're off to a three-hour staff meeting that doesn't apply to me. Ted: Im glad Im a highly paid contractor, I'll be increasing my skills while you fight to get oxygen to your brains. THREE HOURS LATER TED: I became a multimedia developer, How was your day?

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 1995's comic on:

Tags #lacking clerical support, #highly trained, #paid professionals, #copier, #analytical sklills, #mindless, #toner, #five minutes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally are in the copier room. Dilbert stands behind Wally thinking, "Lacking clerical support, the highly trained, highly paid professionals line up at the copier." Dilbert continues thinking, "Their amazing analytical skills are squandered in this mindless task." Wally says, "No . . . It looks like the 'toner' light doesn't turn off if you wait." Dilbert says, "Let's give it another five minutes."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1995's comic on:

Tags #dogbert treks tna, #tech writer, #technical writing, #word processing, #highly skilled, #communications professional, #inert thoughts, #staff meeting, #org chart, #secretary meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert asks Tina, "Is technical writing the same as word processing?" Tina replies angrily, "No!!!" Tina continues, "I am a highly skilled communications professional! I can take jumbles of inert thoughts and bring them to life!!" The Boss enters and says to Tina, "My secretary is running the staff meeting. I need you to retype this org chart." Dogbert comments, "The doctor is in!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1995's comic on:

Tags #writing email, #protest new policy, #empty trash, #highly paid engineers, #unproductive tsak, #inventing the future, #quality faire

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands behind Dilbert's desk. Dilbert says, "I'm writing an e-mail to protest the new policy of making the employees empty their own trash at night." Dilbert continues, "It's stupid to have highly paid engineers doing unproductive tasks when we could be inventing the future!" Wally asks, "Are you coming to the 'Quality Faire?'" Dilbert answers, "No, this will take another hour."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1995's comic on:

Tags #results, #audit, #untrained, #highly skilled, #liars, #passed audit, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert hands a document to the Boss and says, "Here are the results of my ISO 9000 audit of your company." Dogbert continues, "Your employees are largely untrained and - I couldn't help notice - fairly unattractive." Dogbert continues, "However, they are also highly skilled liars, so you passed the audit easily." The Boss raises his arm in the air and shouts, "We succeed where it counts!!!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1996's comic on:

Tags #highly fragmented, #optimize heard drive, #vague, #one gig hard drive, #pentium processor

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."