Hired A Genius Comic Strips
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268 Results for Hired A Genius
View 1 - 10 results for hired a genius comic strips. Discover the best "Hired A Genius" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 04,
2011
Tags #interviews, #ignorant and bored, #hired, #awesome tech skills, #management genius
Transcript
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.
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Tuesday May 31,
2005
Tags #hired a genius, #faking british accent, #ello bird, #sexy sounds
Transcript
"I thought I hired a genius." "But he turned out to be an ordinary guy faking a British accent." "'Ello, bird. 'Ow 'bout a spot o' tea? Whot do you say, gov'nor?" "Who's making those sexy sounds?"
Saturday May 14,
2016
It's Hard To Be A Misunderstood Genius
Tags #genius, #intelligence, #misunderstood
Transcript
Wally: It's hard to be a misunderstood genius. CEO: I have no idea what you're talking about. Wally: See?
Saturday April 04,
2020
Genius Marketing
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #products, #sales, #team, #shoddy, #incompetent, #marketing, #genius, #correct, #blush
Transcript
dogbert: your products are shoddy, and your sales teams are incompetent. but there is a theoretical amount of marketing genius that can fix all of that. boss: are you that genius? dogbert: please. you're making me blush.
Monday September 19,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #competition (psychology), #tweaks to ideas, #fails, #claim credit, #many forms genius, #steaming an oval
Transcript
Boss: I made a few tweaks to your idea. Now if it fails it was your idea, and if it works I can claim credit. Boss: Genius comes in many forms. Dilbert: Such as steaming and oval?
Saturday November 05,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
Thursday January 26,
2012
Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.
Wednesday February 05,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #genius, #iqs, #Dilbert, #network, #enhance, #career, #mensa, #expo
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dogbert asks, "You joined what?" Dilbert replies, "Mensa. It's a group of people with genius IQs." Dilbert continues, "I'm hoping it will be a good way to network and enhance my career." The garbage man says to Dilbert, "I heard you joined our Mensa group . . . I hope you can make it to the career expo."
Tuesday March 17,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #genius, #humility, #Dogbert, #weasel, #compliments, #clever
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says from behind him, "I'm not really a genius." Dilbert asks, "Did you say something?" Dogbert replies, "I'm practicing my false humility." Dilbert asks, "Is this just a way to weasel more compliments out of people?" Dogbert replies, "Oh, I could never be THAT clever."
Thursday October 22,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #doctor, #patients, #turbocharged, #x-ray, #machine, #waiting, #room, #eyes, #diagnoses, #arrive, #mail, #stroke, #genius, #schedule, #hypochondriacs
Transcript
Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."