Hired Idiots Comic Strips
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306 Results for Hired Idiots
View 1 - 10 results for hired idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Hired Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 06,
2014
Tags #leadership, #smart way, #leading, #acting, #twisting, #hired idiots
Transcript
Boss: You didn't show leadership on your project. Dilbert: Are you saying I didn't do things in a smart way? Boss: Leading is different from acting in the smartest way. Dilbert: So... either I can do things the smart way or I can be a leader like you? Boss: Stop twisting things around! You need to be smart and you need to show leadership! You can't expect your team to do what you want just because it's the smartest path. Dilbert: Remind me which one of us hired those idiots.
Monday December 02,
2013
Tags #complaining, #obliviousness, #thinking, #perspectives, #benefits, #thought diveristy, #all idiots
Transcript
Boss: I hired people who have different perspectives so we could enjoy the benefits of thought diversity. But they disagree with everything I say, so I have to assume they're all idiots. Am I right? Catbert: Totally.
Thursday October 25,
2018
Idiots Don't Know They Are Idiots
Tags #the boss, #alice, #ted talk, #idiots, #dumb, #career, #change, #smart, #possible, #speak
Transcript
The Boss: I watched a Ted talk yesterday about how idiots don't know they are dumb. Alice: For the sake of my career, I hope you change the subject as soon as possible. The Boss: Did you know idiots believe they are smart? Alice: Must... Not... Speak...
Thursday May 12,
2011
Tags #annoyance, #doctors' offices, #medicines, #whiny idiots, #pill, #doctor, #exam room, #office, #treadmill, #pass out, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm sick of listening to whiny idiots. Do you have a pill for that? Doctor: I sure do! I took a handful of them this morning and I feel great in spite of your complaining! How funny would it be if I make you run on a treadmill until you pass out?
Monday July 04,
2011
Tags #interviews, #ignorant and bored, #hired, #awesome tech skills, #management genius
Transcript
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.
Saturday November 05,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
Thursday January 26,
2012
Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.
Saturday July 06,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #television, #supreme, #ruler, #earth, #idiots, #drive, #happiness, #expectations, #chips, #king
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a pillow watching tv. He thinks, "The more I watch television, the more I wonder why I'm not already supreme ruler of earth." Dogbert walks away thinking, "Those people are idiots. They should all drive over here and proclaim me their king." Dogbert returns to the pillow with a bag of potato chips and thinks, "The secret to happiness is high expectations and your own bag of chips."
Wednesday November 27,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #privacy, #Dilbert, #supreme court, #nomination, #hearings, #opinions, #Right, #life, #idiots
Transcript
At Dogbert's nomination hearings, a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee asks Dogbert, "Do you have any opinions on the right to privacy?" Dogbert replies, "No. In fact, I've never formed an important opinion in my entire life." The senator says, "You must think we're idiots." Dogbert replies, "Okay, I've formed ONE opinion . . . But that's all."
Saturday July 11,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #happiness, #money, #wrong, #invested, #options, #stock, #company, #desk, #zymed, #takeover, #rumors, #idiots
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Am I wrong or did you tell me you invested all of your money in stock options for a company called Zymed?" Dogbert continues, "The radio says the stock price tripled on takeover rumors. You just made about ten million dollars." Dogbert continues, "But they say money can't buy happiness." Dilbert replies, "Apparently 'they' are idiots."