Hiring Accused Murderers Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for hiring accused murderers comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Accused Murderers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #ignorance (knowledge), #big tech firms, #hiring people, #prestigious degrees, #hiring idiots, #vacuum up, #hiring accused murderers, #bail

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Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.

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App For Hiring Decisions

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App For Hiring Decisions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mansplaining, #tech, #programmers, #coders, #interview, #hiring, #stereotype

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Boss: No need to talk. Now we use an app to make hiring decisions. The app checked your online footprint and says you're a serial mansplainer with an unsuccessful dating history. I assume that means you have awesome technical skills. Interviewee: Full stack!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #skeptical, #hiring, #dog, #square-dance, #resume, #impressive, #Pulitzer

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Dogbert sits across from a man at a desk. The man, who is wearing a plaid shirt and a cowboy hat, says, "I was skeptical about hiring a dog as our new square-dance caller, but your resume is impressive." The man continues, "I didn't even know you could win a Pulitzer Prize for square-dance calling." The man continues, "Wow! And you're already in the Alberdeen Hall of Dung!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #cop, #ticket, #u-turn, #murderers, #thugs, #taxes, #mustache, #police brutality, #police, #sobreity, #test

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Dilbert drives his car. He hears a siren behind him and thinks, "Police?" The officer stands at Dilbert's window and says, "You made an illegal U-turn." Dilbert says, "You're giving me a ticket for THAT?! A measly U-turn?!" Dilbert says angrily, "I can't believe it! The world is full of murderers and thugs, but you stop ME?" Dilbert says, "I'm wasting my taxes on your salary!" Dilbert continues, "And frankly, those mustaches you guys all grow don't make you look any smarter." The policeman says, "Please step out of your car for the sobriety test." Dilbert arrives at home wearing dirty and torn clothing. He tells Dogbert, ". . . So, it turns out that the sobriety test involves flinging yourself down a muddy embankment."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monkeys, #pick stocks, #dogbert mutual fund, #better professional, #employee only monkeys, #high fees, #hiring the best, #paid commercial

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On television, Dogbert speaks in a paid commercial about his mutual fund. Dogbert says, "Studies have shown that monkeys can pick stocks better than most professionals." The Boss watches the tv commercial. Dogbert says, "That's why the Dogbert mutual fund employs only monkeys." Dogbert sits at a desk surrounded by monkeys. Dogbert says, "Yes, our fees are high, but I don't apologize for hiring the best."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new hire, #not working, #no head, #headless man, #made mistake hiring, #fired, #insubordination

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Dilbert walks up to the Boss. Dilbert guides the headless man by the collar. Dilbert says, "The new guy isn't working out." The Boss says, "Why not?" Dilbert says, "Maybe because he has no head." The Boss frowns. The Boss says,"So, you think that I made a mistake hiring him?" Dilbert says, "Um... no. But the new guy thinks so." The boss shakes his fists. The Boss says, "Then he's fired for insubordination."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cucbicle, #self suffcient, #work space, #life suport, #various tubes, #watch to body, #vital signs, #monitor, #central location, #human resources dept, #emergency hiring

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"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #promote, #from within, #yanking your chain, #hiring from outside, #you're so smart

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Caption:"Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a desk across from Asok. Catbert says, "We like to promote from within the company Asok." Catbert says, "But what we like even more is yanking your chain and the hiring from outside!" Catbert say, "Explain why you work here if you're so smart." Asok says, "I'm timid."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #did well, #hiring freeze, #shrink empire, #hand shaking situation, #hand, #questioning clean

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Wally is sitting at his desk. The Boss approaches from behind with a check in hand. He says, "The company did well so you get a bonus despite the fact you did no work all year." After handing Wally the check, The Boss continues, "I'd fire you but I can't replace you because there's a hiring freeze and I don't want to shrink my empire." The Boss fidgets nervously and says, "This might be a hand-shaking situation but I don't know where your hand has been." Wally continues to stare at his check and brushes The Boss with, "Off you go."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #innovative design firm, #observe methods, #steal from them, #secret, #hiring smart people, #involves easles

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "We've hired the world's most innovative design firm." The Boss continues, "We'll observe their successful methods and steal them for our own. Heh Heh Heh." Dilbert turns to The Boss and says, "Maybe their secret is hiring smart people." The Boss responds, "I'm hoping it involves easels."