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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1998's comic on:

Tags #mobster, #rival family, #hit team, #sympathy card, #surprise tomorrow, #write funny song, #burried

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Dilbert sits at the kitchen table with his laptop computer. He says, "Ted's brother was a mobster. Last week he was killed by a rival family's hit team." Dilbert continues, "We got Ted a sympathy card, then it snowballed into a surprise party for tomorrow. My job is to write a funny song." Dogbert starts singing, "For he's a buried good fellow... for he's a buried good fellow... which nobody can deny..." Dilbert says, "Good."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2002's comic on:

Tags #accounting records, #congress, #erasing memories, #impenetrable complications, #management, #outside firm, #project team, #hit head, #hammer on head, #knocked on head, #Politics

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, my project team has added impenetrable complications to our accounting records." Dilbert says to The Boss, "And an outside firm is erasing all memories from senior management." The Boss asks, "How do they do that?" Dogbert holds a hammer. He says to a manager with a huge bump on his head, "Okay, you're ready to talk to congress." The injured manager replies, "Thank you."

Selfish Team Player

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Selfish Team Player - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2015's comic on:

Tags #hypocrisy, #team, #semantics, #flaw, #personality disorder, #success, #selfish, #business

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Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.

Team Building Lunch

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Team Building Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2018's comic on:

Tags #lunch, #team, #teamwork, #team-building, #business

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Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.

Team Building Dance

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Team Building Dance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2018's comic on:

Tags #team-building, #dance, #rules, #restrictions, #Fun

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Boss: This year's team-building event will be a dance. No alcohol will be served. The event is for employees only, and you're not allowed to touch each other. Have a great time. Dilbert: How?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity

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Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2012's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business

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Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2012's comic on:

Tags #engineers, #squirming, #team players, #thwart inaction

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Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #rivers, #trees, #management, #variety, #dangerous, #tasks, #woods, #survival, #depend, #creativity, #ability, #team-building, #exercise, #headcount, #reduction

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm sending all of you to the 'Rivers and Trees' management course." The Boss continues, "There you'll be asked to perform a variety of dangerous tasks in the woods. Your survival will depend on your creativity and ability to work together." Dilbert says, "Oh, so it's a team-building exercise." The Boss replies, "I think of it more as a headcount reduction thing."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1992's comic on:

Tags #rivers and trees, #management, #course, #exercise, #favorite, #rope, #team, #figure, #cross, #muddy, #patch, #feet, #dirty, #ranger

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An instructor says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "This next exercise is always a favorite." The instructor points to a muddy streambed and says, "Using only a rope, your team must figure out how to cross the muddy patch without getting your feet dirty." The instructor lies across the muddy patch, bound by the rope. He says, I could have been a forest ranger, but no-o-o-o . . ."