Holding Accountable Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

268 Results for Holding Accountable

View 1 - 10 results for holding accountable comic strips. Discover the best "Holding Accountable" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 1999's comic on:

Tags #all that i can be, #exact oposite, #holding accountable, #vague feeling, #Dilbert, #boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Yesterday you told me to do the exact opposite of what you told me today." The boss says, "It's my way of holding you accountable." Dilbert is in his cubicle. Dilbert thinks, "I have a vague feeling that I am not being all that I can be."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1994's comic on:

Tags #staff meeting, #suggestions, #dumb ideas, #leaving for another job, #never held accountable, #project caribou, #team building exercise, #people vanished, #meeting over

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2001's comic on:

Tags #stock market expert, #core holding, #dead cat bounce, #secret economic model, #book sales, #financial markets

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2005's comic on:

Tags #holding up wall, #new structural engineer, #wall fell

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: what are you doing holding up the wall? Zing that was a good one. Dilbert: Have you met the new structural engineer?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2014's comic on:

Tags #career, #success, #who you know, #know losers, #promising career, #holding me back

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Success depends on who you know. I only know losers such as you, so thanks for nothing. Dilbert; I'm sorry I ruined your promising career. Wally: You're holding me back.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2011's comic on:

Tags #therapy session, #cloud, #having meeting, #tech talk, #couch, #shrink, #avatar, #engineer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I was holding a virtual meeting using the cloud and... Therapist: you're already dead and you don't know it. Dilbert: um...no im an engineer. Therapist: and yet your should had a meeting in a cloud. Interesting. Dilbert: my people call it an avatar.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2011's comic on:

Tags #gloating, #louvre, #powerpoint slides, #inch taller, #competitive, #petty, #giant turtle, #infinte turtles

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper says, "I'm an inch taller than you and my powerpoint slides are in the Louvre." Topper says, "Some say the earth is on the back of a giant turtle. But who do you think is holding the turtle?" Dilbert says, "You?" Topper says, "Wrong! It's turtles all the way down. But who do you think is holding the infinite turtles?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 1989's comic on:

Tags #dating, #ice cream, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors . Dilbert is holding an ice cream cone. Dilbert says, "I can remember when these were only fifteen cents." Dilbert continues, "But I'm really dating myself now . . ." Dogbert says, "Well, it's not as if anybody else would date you."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1989's comic on:

Tags #baked products, #science, #flour, #lab

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert enters wearing a chef's hat and holding a spatula. Dogbert says, "We're out of flour." Dilbert replies, "I know." Dogbert asks, "And did you know that the bag of white powder in your lab looks just like flour?" Dilbert says, "Uh . . ." Dogbert continues, "And you know how huge, mutated cupcakes will occasionally eat the neighbor's Chevy?" Dilbert says, "This better be a bad analogy."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 1989's comic on:

Tags #baked products, #eat, #cupcake

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is wearing a chef's hat and holding a spatula. Dilbert says, ". . . So, the cupcakes you baked mutated into a hideous monster and ate the neighbor's Chevy . . . Great." Dogbert says, "Oh, like YOU'VE never had problems with a recipe." Dilbert says, "What happens if my neighbor sues?!" Dogbert asks, "Did I mention that he was in the Chevy?"