Hope For Survival Comic Strips
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321 Results for Hope For Survival
View 1 - 10 results for hope for survival comic strips. Discover the best "Hope For Survival" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 27,
2012
Tags #hope for survival, #nearsighted billionaire, #hunt, #private island, #foraging situation
Transcript
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.
Saturday October 20,
2012
Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #executives, #wages, #long tern survival, #innovate ways, #cannibalize, #current prodcuts, #lose a fortune, #ceo's compensation, #revenue dips, #hovel, #some ideas, #money
Transcript
Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.
Friday April 13,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #incapable lying, #lies, #survival, #national enquirer, #watch, #educational, #programs
Transcript
Dilbert asks Bob the Dinosaur, "Are you saying dinosaurs are incapable of lying?" Bob replies, "Almost." Bob looks at Dawn the Dinosaur and continues, "Dawn and I taught ourselves some simple lies for survival . . . We'll show you . . ." Bob says, "I've never been tempted to read the 'National Enquirer.'" Dawn says, "I only watch the news and some educational programs."
Monday August 31,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #rivers, #trees, #management, #variety, #dangerous, #tasks, #woods, #survival, #depend, #creativity, #ability, #team-building, #exercise, #headcount, #reduction
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm sending all of you to the 'Rivers and Trees' management course." The Boss continues, "There you'll be asked to perform a variety of dangerous tasks in the woods. Your survival will depend on your creativity and ability to work together." Dilbert says, "Oh, so it's a team-building exercise." The Boss replies, "I think of it more as a headcount reduction thing."
Friday January 06,
1995
Tags #ass six meetings, #customer focus, #micro management, #egomaniacal mahifest, #survival, #paper towels, #mens room
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."
Thursday February 22,
1996
Tags #elbonia, #check software, #under contract, #documentation, #elbonian language, #wiring easy, #hope to read
Transcript
The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."
Thursday September 26,
1996
Tags #team building exercise, #mile from shore, #swim back, #only hope, #intelligent doplohin, #plaught, #tuna net
Transcript
Dilbert thinks as he swims through the water, "Uh-oh . . . I'm a mile from shore and too exhausted to swim back." Dilbert thinks, "My only hope is that an intelligent dolphin will see my plight and rescue me." Dilbert sees a dolphin and thinks, "I'm in luck!" The dolphin says, "Two words: tuna . . . net."
Saturday April 05,
1997
Tags #company training, #hope to learn, #bad toupee, #dead animal, #freak of nature, #general
Transcript
The caption says, "Company Training." The instructor stands at the front of the room and says, "Let's go around the room and we'll each say what we hope to learn." Alice, Wally and several other people sit in the audience. Alice says, "I hope to learn whether that thing on your head is a bad toupee, a dead animal, or a hideous freak of nature." The instructor pauses before writing on the easel and asks, "Can I call that 'general'?"
Thursday May 21,
1998
Tags #hideous sycophant, #no hope, #career advancement, #lifestyle choice
Transcript
Dilbert and Allen walking down a hall. Dilbert asks, "So, Allen, what's it like to be a hideous sycophant?" Allen replies, "It's okay." Allen asks, "What's it like to have no hope of career advancement?" Dilbert responds, "Not bad." Allen and Dilbert sitting at table with food trays. Allen asks, "Were you born that way or is it a lifestyle choice?" Dilbert responds, "I'll ask my mom, but I think it was bad parenting."
Friday June 05,
1998
Tags #budget, #project, #company startegy, #lose hope
Transcript
Dilbert and The Boss sitting at desk across from eachother. Dilbert asks, "How much budget do I have for my project?" The Boss replies, "I can't tell you." The Boss says, "If you knew what your budget was, you'd spend it all." Dilbert inquires," Can you at least tell me what our company strategy is?" The Boss responds, "No, I don't want you to lose hope."