Hoping It Goes Comic Strips
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216 Results for Hoping It Goes
View 1 - 10 results for hoping it goes comic strips. Discover the best "Hoping It Goes" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 29,
2014
Tags #laziness, #not caring what others think, #total uslessness, #key to success, #discussion, #employees, #hoping it goes, #business
Transcript
Wally: Asok, the key to success is not caring what others think of you. Coincidentally, that is also the key to being totally useless. The important thing is that other people can't tell which way you're hoping it goes.
Wednesday October 19,
1994
Tags #algorithim, #higest salries, #overstatement, #reduce headcount, #scientific algorithm, #who goes
Transcript
"I've been asked to reduce headcount." "To be fair about it I created a scientific algorithm to decide who goes." "I thought you were firing the people with the highest salaries." "Okay, maybe 'algorithm' is an overstatement."
Saturday January 28,
1995
Tags #great idea, #first idea, #tougest, #urge goes away
Transcript
A new worker says to Dilbert and Wally, "I've only worked here one day but I thought of a great idea." The Boss runs in with a fire hose and soaks the new employee with a stream of water. Dilbert says to the drenched worker, "The first idea is always the toughest." Wally adds, "The urge eventually goes away."
Monday August 28,
2000
Tags #self service consulting, #strategy, #massive bills, #hoping to print
Transcript
Dogbert says to the Boss while standing atop his desk, "I now offer self-service consulting." Dogbert continues, "Write down your strategy and I'll send you massive bills." The Boss asks, "Do you have a card?" Dogbert replies, "I was hoping you'd print some for me."
Sunday August 05,
2012
Tags #business ethics, #work ethic, #top engineers, #competetors, #firing, #get rid of, #updating resume, #goes as planned, #hideous disese, #felt useuful, #threatening employment
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Saturday May 14,
2005
Tags #stress hump, #goes away, #all in mind
Transcript
Could I have a few days off to see if my stress hump goes away? The boss: "Stress is all in your mind. I should fire you and your hump right now for even asking!" Dilbert: "Just because he said no?" new guy: "It was the way he said it."
Wednesday November 05,
2008
Tags #conference room, #where hope goes to die, #the rectangle of futility
Transcript
A man says, "I'm here for an interview in a conference room named..." The man says, 'Where Hope Goes to Die'" Carol says, "It's the first one past 'The Rectangle of Futility.'"
Sunday May 04,
2008
Tags #lead developer, #project, #setting up for failure, #gets cancelled, #motions, #hoping for cancellation
Transcript
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to the be lead developer on this project." The Boss says, "Don't check the other developers' work because it will make them angry." Dilbert says, "That's okay, as long as they do good work." The Boss says, "Actually, they do bad work. Very, very bad work." Dilbert says, "You are setting me up for certain failure." The Boss says, "If work were easy, no one would pay you to do it." Dilbert says, "Okay. I'll go through the motions while hoping the project gets canceled for other reasons." Dilbert says, "Keep up the bad work, Carl." Carl says, "Who told you?"
Sunday June 01,
2003
Tags #revenue projections, #email, #reading email, #song, #multi task, #stupid nbinder, #slow down, #comprehend, #reading goes quickly
Transcript
Alice enters Bob's office and asks, "Bob, can I have your revenue projections?" Bob replies, "No. I'm reading my e-mail. I can't do two things at once." Bob turns and says, "But I offer you this song instead." Bob dances and sings, "Ooh-waa-waa! I'm single-task Bob. I'm single-task Bob." Bob continues dancing and singing, "I can't multitask. I can only do one job." Alice yells, "Just give me the stupid binder that on your desk!!" Bob sits back down with his arms on his hips and says, "Sure. And I guess my e- mail can just read itself, right?" Once Alice leaves, Bob says to himself, "Reading goes quickly when you don't slow down to comprehend."
Tuesday October 27,
2020
Credit Goes To Boss
Tags #anger, #business, #culture, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #ownership, #report, #technology
Transcript
boss: i realize this report has dilbert's name on it, but the credit goes to me. because i ordered him to do it. dilbert: actually, i came up with the idea and wrote it on my own time. boss: well, i created the culture that made it all possible. dilbert yelling: i did the work!!!