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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2004's comic on:

Tags #hot mess employee, #magnet for problems, #wally stalks her

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"My life is a rolling disaster." "I'm a magnet for all problems legal, financial, medical and romantic." "Uh-oh... I sense another disaster brewing." wally: "Shes cute. I think I'll stalk her every day."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2007's comic on:

Tags #25 each, #cheap hot dogs, #cover charge, #employee appreciation day, #evil director, #harder to appreciate, #pocket money

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: Employee Appreciation Day is next Tuesday. The cover charge is $25 apiece. wally: How do we know you won't buy cheap hot dogs and pocket the rest of our money? Catbert: Every day it gets harder to appreciate you." gulp gulp gulp

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hot line, #telephone, #forehead, #phone calls

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Dilbert points to a telephone on the desk and says to Dogbert, "This is the new 'hot line' phone to the Kremlin. My company won the bid to engineer the new model." Dilbert says as he walks away, "That's a fully functional prototype, so don't mess with it." Dogbert picks up the phone and says, "So, Gorby, I understand you've been finger-painting with your forehead . . ."

Hot And Cold In The Office

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Hot And Cold In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2018's comic on:

Tags #temperature, #thermostat, #disagreement, #hot, #cold

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Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so cold my hands turned into blocks of ice. Dilbert: I accomplished nothing this week because the office is so hot I can't concentrate. Boss: Are the two of you the same species? Dilbert: That's a gray area because it would be impossible for us to mate.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #prejudice, #universities & colleges, #updating employee profiles, #school. indian institute of technology, #double major, #engineering, #false humility, #combined thesis, #terraformed planet

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Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2011's comic on:

Tags #mobile (cell) phones, #surveillance, #security, #employee locator device, #smarthone, #questions, #text to yourself

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Boss: Security says your employee locator device isn't turned on. Dilbert: My what? Boss: I think you call it your smartphone. Dilbert: I might have some questions. Boss: Put them in a text to yourself. I'll read them later.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #employees, #employee of month, #october 1929, #room to grow, #past date, #past month, #business

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Boss: Congratulations, Asok. I'm naming you employee of the month. Your month is October 1929. Room to grow.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2012's comic on:

Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker, #relationships

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Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #agreements, #deals, #existence, #empire, #seem larger, #paycheck, #fair plan, #awful world, #balckmail, #boss, #employee

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Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #employee parking, #inconvenience, #by design, #personal errands, #intention suffering

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Dilbert: The employee parking situation is terrible. I had to park a mile away. Catbert: That's by design. The inconvenience removes your temptation to run personal errands during the day. Dilbert: You're intentionally making my life more difficult? Catbert: What do you think management is?