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Boss: I read a book about how to be a great leader, and realized I don't do any of those things. I'm surprised a book with so many errors could get published. It must have been written by a disgruntled underling. Wally: Do those exist?
Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."
Dilbert asks Ruebert the Robot, "What are you doing in my lab, Ruebert?" Ruebert replies, "I am creating a feminine robot to nurture and serve me." Ruebert continues, "I didn't know how to program it, so I found this 'National Organization of Women' in the telephone book . . ." Ruebert continues, "It turns out that this is exactly the kind of thing they like to help with." The female robot asks, "Do you like surprises?"
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm joining a manly drum beating group." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Well, see, this poet Robert Bly wrote a book about being a manly warrior . . ." Dogbert continues, "I haven't actually read the book . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . But it has something to do with beating drums and rejecting your mother." Dogbert says, "Let me get this straight . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . You're taking advice from a POET on how to be manly?" Dilbert and three men stand around holding drums. A man asks Dilbert, "Have you tasted the cinnamon snap tea?" Dilbert thinks, "Maybe I should have read the book first."
The Boss approaches Alice and says, "Alice, according to this book, people can choose their attitudes." Alice replies, "So you decided to go with a dopey and gullible theme?" The Boss fumes with anger. Alice says, "And that's another interesting choice. Now I see how this works."
The Boss approaches Dilbert with a book in hand. The Boss says, "Let's see.. your defects are discussed in chapter 23." The Boss continues, "I'll give you a photocopy so you can see how to fix it yourself." As The Boss walks away, he thinks, "Books are full of information."
Tina says, "We're having a baby shower for Kim on Friday." Dilbert says, "I barely know her." Tina says, "She's having triplets. Try to bring an appropriate gift for once." Kim says, "It's a? book on how to lower my carbon footprint?" Dilbert says, "You're killing us all."
Dogbert, busily typing, says to Dilbert, "I'm writing a business book called 'Change Happens. Get Over It'." Dilbert says, "The title says it all." Dogbert says, "Yeah. It needs filler." Dilbert says, "How about a parable?" Dogbert says, "Good idea." Dogbert types, "Two bulls were talking." Dogbert continues typing, "One bull says, 'I'm afraid of change'." Dogbert continues typing, "The other bull says, 'Get over it'." Dogbert continues typing, "Later that day they were both ground into hamburgers and served at a picnic." Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The hard part will be finding someone to write the foreword."
CEO: I'm reading a book about what it takes to be a great leader. Do you know what Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Gandhi, and Ryan Seacrest have in common? Dilbert: None of them read this book. CEO: And they are carbon-based life-forms.