Human Beings Comic Strips
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Character
321 Results for Human Beings
View 1 - 10 results for human beings comic strips. Discover the best "Human Beings" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 22,
1995
Tags #add resource, #human beings, #not resources, #most valuable asset
Transcript
The Boss approaches Alice who is seated at her desk. He asks, "Alice, I've decided to add a resource to your project." Alice screams, "We're human beings, not 'resources!!'" The Boss looks stunned as he replies, "Would it help if I told you that resources are our most valuable asset?"
Friday May 07,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #pants, #twelve-inch, #waist, #inches, #secret, #retail, #success, #merchandise, #shop, #harder, #retail store
Transcript
Dilbert asks a salesclerk in a clothing store, "Excuse me, do you have any pants that AREN'T a twelve-inch waist and fifty inches long?" Dilbert holds up a pair of tiny pants and says, "I ask because there are no human beings who could wear these pants, and one of the secrets of retail success is to stock merchandise that somebody might want." Dilbert continues, "Then people would shop here and actually BUY things." The clerk replies, "Wow, that's way harder than what we do."
Friday December 16,
2016
Body Doubles Are People Too
Tags #hit man, #murder, #mistaken identity, #doppelganger
Transcript
Cop: Asok, you are under arrest for murdering the creator of Garfield's body double. Asok: That's not fair! It wasn't even a real person! It was a body double! Cop: Actually, body doubles are human beings, too. Asok: You're going to arrest me on a technicality?
Wednesday June 22,
2016
Human Intelligence
Tags #ai, #artificial intelligence, #humans, #arguing, #human nature, #intelligence, #deception
Transcript
Wally: I started by giving the device human intelligence. Then I added human emotions. Now it answers every question by accusing you of having a secret agenda. Boss: Just like people!
Friday June 24,
2016
Wally's Device Has Human Emotions
Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #invention, #human, #humanity, #misanthrope
Transcript
Dilbert: Is it true that you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions? Wally: Yes. I'd give you a demo, but the device is depressed and wants to be left alone. Dilbert: It looks like a block of wood. Wally: I'm only trying to copy the human mind. There's no reason to over-engineer it. Dilbert: I can respect that.
Thursday July 14,
2016
Phone Better Than Human
Tags #technology, #distraction, #human, #conversation
Transcript
Alan: Everything went wrong for me this week. I have problems... all kinds of problems. Dilbert: For the zillionth time in a row, my phone is more fun than talking to a human.
Monday April 27,
2020
Human Walking This Way
Tags #coronavirus, #exercise, #fish, #health, #human, #social distancing, #walking, #water
Transcript
dilbert walking outside thinking: uh-oh. a human being is walking in my direction. dilbert jumping over wall into river: aaaagh!!! fish in water by dilbert: i need to ask you to back up six feet.
Saturday May 09,
2020
No Human Contact
Tags #home, #human, #contact, #self isolation, #quarantine, #coronavirus, #health, #oxytocin, #lonely
Transcript
dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.
Wednesday February 23,
2011
Tags #contracts, #lawyers, #surgery, #software server, #too confusing, #normal human, #comprehension, #cost eefective, #involve atorneys, #deal so small, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."
Saturday January 14,
2012
Tags #babies, #complaining, #human resources, #evil director, #discriminates, #short, #bald, #near sighted, #born this way, #business
Transcript
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.