Hurt Fish Comic Strips
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110 Results for Hurt Fish
View 1 - 10 results for hurt fish comic strips. Discover the best "Hurt Fish" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 12,
2006
Tags #catch and release, #ceo seminar, #hurt fish, #inform life, #new spouse, #philosophy, #set free, #spin off compnay, #without making decisions, #be decisive
Transcript
"Welcome to Dogbert's catch-and-release CEO seminar." "Catch-and-release is more than a way to hurt fish for entertainment." "It's a philosophy that will inform your entire life." "For example, when you acquire a new company, wait a few years and then spin it off." "When you catch a new spouse, wait a few years and then set it free." Boot! "When you golf, hit that ball into a hole and then take it out." "Your ultimate goal is to look decisive without making any real decisions." "Good seminar. It makes fishing more fun when you know it hurts them!" "Ouch!"
Tuesday December 29,
2020
Microwaving Fish
Tags #managers & supervisors, #microwave, #fish, #working from home, #smell, #rotting, #corpse, #cubicle
Transcript
boss on phone. boss: asok, you need to stop microwaving fish. i can't work with that smell in the air. asok on phone: i'm working from home. maybe you should check the cubicles for a rotting corpse. boss walking and thinking: maybe i'll let the janitor do that.
Saturday March 17,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hitchcock, #movie, #sequel, #alfred hitchcock, #the fish
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "Let's go see the new Alfred Hitchcock movie." Dilbert asks, "How could there be a 'new' Hitchcock movie?" Dogbert replies, "It's some kind of a sequel." Dilbert and Dogbert sit in a movie theater watching "Alfred Hitchcock presents The Fish."
Monday May 07,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #outbox, #mail, #outgoing mail, #fish, #weather, #small talk, #errands
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of a desk. A voice from the out box says, "Hey! Big guy, how are ya?" An envelope peeks out of the box and says, "How's the family? You look great . . . Nice weather, huh?" Dilbert walks away thinking, "I hate outgoing mail." The envelope yells, "Do you fish?"
Tuesday January 28,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #flush, #goldie, #john, #ugly, #stupid, #fish, #life, #rivalry, #suicide note, #schools, #pun
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of an empty fishbowl with his arms on his hips. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "You expect me to believe that Goldie flushed HIMSELF down the john??!" Dogbert replies, "Surely you don't believe that I ended his ugly, stupid fish life in a fit of pet rivalry . . ." Dilbert looks at a small piece of paper and says, "Explain how a fish can write a suicide note." Dogbert says, "I've heard they have schools . . ."
Tuesday December 15,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #tina, #sales, #department, #boss, #new, #hurt, #customers, #new guy, #despise, #account, #i hate you
Transcript
A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."
Tuesday December 27,
1994
Tags #computer interface, #hurt user, #new sound designs, #sound of puking, #fingernails on blackboard, #bird hitting window, #disturbing sounds, #visceral reactions
Transcript
Dilbert stands behind a man with an eye patch who is working on his computer. The man says, "My theory is that a computer interface should hurt the user." The man continues, "So I designed some new sounds into our product. We've got 'sound of puking,' 'fingernails on blackboard' and 'bird hitting window.'" Dilbert looks ill. The man continues, "But suppose the user does something WRONG. Then we have the sound of a puking bird hitting a blackboard." Dilbert falls down.
Friday March 03,
1995
Tags #dna smaple, #fatal genetic problems, #hurt productivity, #project dealine
Transcript
The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.
Sunday October 14,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #hurt, #chiclets, #reward, #tripping, #snatcher, #purse, #theft
Transcript
Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park humming to themselves. A man steals an old woman's purse. She screams, "Help!! Purse snatcher!!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . He's running this way." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Act like we didn't see it or we might get hurt." Dogbert trips Dilbert. The thief trips over Dilbert's body and drops the purse into Dogbert's paws. Dogbert hands the pocketbook to the woman. He says, "I assume there's some sort of reward for this." The thief fights with Dilbert. Dogbert says, "Look! I got Chiclets!"
Sunday June 16,
1991
Tags #employee, #fish, #Dilbert, #strange, #nineties, #boss, #hug, #awkward, #pleasure, #outgrown, #uptight, #eighties
Transcript
A man tells the Boss, "You should have seen that fish . . ." The Boss holds his arms out and says, "That's nothing, compared to the fish I . . ." Dilbert walks around the corner. The Boss says, "Hi, Dilbert." Dilbert sees his outstretched arms and thinks, "He wants to hug me. That's strange. Okay, I'm a Nineties guy." Dilbert hugs him and says, "Hi, Boss." The Boss and the other man look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "Now I'll have to hug this guy so it doesn't seem awkward." Dilbert hugs the man and says, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you." Dilbert walks away thinking, "I'm glad we've outgrown the uptight Eighties."