Hurt Productivity Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

165 Results for Hurt Productivity

View 1 - 10 results for hurt productivity comic strips. Discover the best "Hurt Productivity" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dna smaple, #fatal genetic problems, #hurt productivity, #project dealine

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.

View more books now

If You Double Your Productivity

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.

Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #useless, #laziness, #productivity, #flaw, #strength, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Some people say uselessness is a character flaw. I see it as the natural result of mindful resistance to the tyranny of productivity. Dilbert: Where do you think food comes from? Wally: From my critics. It's a great system.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraternization, #friendship, #laziness, #wing man, #for laziness, #productivity retardant, #high priority, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #plunging productivity, #8 year old boy, #traylor, #germs, #doctor, #allergies, #gives to mom, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our plunging productivity is all because of an eight-year-old boy named Traylor. Traylor doesn't wash his hands, he brings home every virus and germ from school, and gives it to his mom, who brings it to work with her. Dilbert: Maybe you should see a doctor. Carol: It's just allergies!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #electric, #cattle prod, #employee, #productivity, #zap, #rubber end

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss approaches him thinking, "Let's see if my idea of using an electric cattle prod will boost employee productivity." The Boss gives himself an electric shock. The Boss's clothes are burned and smoke rises from his body. The Boss thinks, "Mental note: hold rubber end."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #unimportant, #requires, #action, #route, #subordinate, #inflating, #perceived, #importance, #destroying, #morale, #productivity, #luck, #copies

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk looking through a stack of documents and thinking, "Here's something else that's totally unimportant yet requires action." The Boss thinks, "I'll route it to a subordinate, thus inflating its perceived importance and destroying both morale and productivity." The Boss thinks, "What luck, I got two copies!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #tina, #sales, #department, #boss, #new, #hurt, #customers, #new guy, #despise, #account, #i hate you

View Transcript

Transcript

A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #productivity, #daydreaming, #irene, #accounting, #engineering, #ordinary, #betty, #marketing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Dilbert and Ted, "My productivity is shot. I can't stop daydreaming about Irene in accounting." Ted says, "Do what I did. Try to phase out of it by daydreaming of Laura in engineering, then move to the ordinary-looking Betty in marketing." Wally replies, "Now I'm daydreaming about all three of them." Ted replies, "Same thing happened to me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #elbonian men, #Dilbert, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

An Elbonian says to Dilbert, "Thank you for teaching us 'quality' techniques." The Elbonian continues, "Manufacturing defects are down fifty percent since we all joined 'quality teams.'" The other Elbonian says, "Yes!" The Elbonian asks, "How's our productivity, Yorgi?" Yorgi replies, "Down fifty percent." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "They're on to me."