Ignored Recommendations Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for ignored recommendations comic strips. Discover the best "Ignored Recommendations" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignored recommendations, #inadequate, #make system work, #saving money, #get fired

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "So, you ignored my recommendation and bought a low-cost system that's totally inadequate . . ." Dilbert holds up a document and continues, "You compensated for this blunder by making it part of MY objectives to make the system work . . ." Dilbert concludes, "You'll get a bonus for saving money. I'll get fired, thus saving more money and earning you ANOTHER bonus." The Boss replies, "I'm on a roll."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert consults, #recommendations, #analyis, #us dollars, #elbonian currency, #eye crud

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Caption: Dogbert Consults Dogbert and the boss sit at a desk. Dogbert is in the boss' chair. Dogbert says, "My recommendations are based on an analysis of accountability." The boss says, "Ohh." Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm not accountable to your stockholders. So I can recommend anything that amuses me." Dogbert says, "I recommend that you convert all of your U.S. dollars to elbonian currency... whatever that is." The boss says, "The eyecrud."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #study culture, #in company, #detailed recommendations, #docile outcast, #drinks brown water, #staple tracking device

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Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk wearing a hat, a backpack, and holding a stick. Dogbert says, "I will study the culture in your company and make detailed recommendations." Dogbert observes Wally and records, "The one I call Wally is a docile outcast who eats bananas and drinks brown water." Dogbert asks Wally, "Do you mind if I staple this tracking device to your ear?" Wally responds, "Not really."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disappointing people, #meeting start late, #answer is misleading, #deadline ignored, #work is shoddy, #empthy, #blocking view of wall

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Dilbert: "Lately, every person I deal with seems to disappoint me." Dilbert: "Every meeting starts late, every answer is misleading, every deadline is ignored, and all work is shoddily done." DIlbert: "I guess what I'm saying is that today I need some empathy." Dogbert: "You are totally blocking my view of the wall."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #information promised, #ignored request, #squadron, #military squirrels, #plausible lie, #giant military squirrels, #secret lair

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Wally and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert says, "There's Ted. He never sent me the information he promised." Wally and Dilbert stop when they come up to Ted. Dilbert asks, "Why have you ignored my request, Ted?" Ted says, "I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels." Wally tells Dilbert, that "He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie." Dilbert screams, "I demand a PLAUSIBLE lie!" Ted responds, "Okay, maybe I WASN'T killed by giant military squirrels." Ted continues, "But I WAS imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth." Wally and Dilbert are walking away. Wally: "You can't prove that one either way." Dilbert: "He did say it was a "secret" lair."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paying for consulting, #no recommendations, #feel secure, #shaping strategies, #hate you, #feel good

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"I keep paying you for consulting, but you never make any recommendations." "I'm what you call a "feel good."" "My job is to make you feel secure in the knowledge that someone brilliant is shaping your strategies." "This is weird; I hate you, but at the same time I feel good." "You're welcome."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weekly wally report, #worthless iput, #harmful advice, #ignored email, #priorities, #my budget estimates, #any success, #format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #400 per hour, #expensive, #ball rolling, #process using, #recommendations

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The Boss: Mister Dogbert has agreed to consult for $400 per hour. "I know it's expensive but you get what you pay for." "Let's get the ball rolling." "My first question is: what process will you be using to arrive at your recommendations?" Dogbert: "a..." "very...slow one..."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #replaced computers, #training class, #ignored requests, #sit unused, #slow way, #computer manual, #no time, #class, #coat, #invest, #plan future

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Girl: So they replaced our computers and never trained us. I told them we needed a training class but they ignored my requests. So our computers sit there unused while we do our work the slow way. Dilbert: why don't you real the computer manual? Girl: I don't have time for that! Dilbert: But you have time for a class? It doesn't add up. Girl: Im cold. Dilbert: You should try wearing a coat. they're terrific.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #new phone, #recommendations, #dropped calls, #poor battery life, #hate the messenger, #build phones

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Carol: I need a new phone. Which one do you recommend? Dilbert: Do you want to be angry about your dropped calls or angry about your poor battery life? Don't hate the messenger. Carol: People similar to you build phones.