Impossible Assignment Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

171 Results for Impossible Assignment

View 1 - 10 results for impossible assignment comic strips. Discover the best "Impossible Assignment" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2002's comic on:

Tags #impossible assignment, #right place, #reword, #objectives, #match, #analyzed, #feasibility, #project, #discontinue

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is home in his bathrobe. He says to Dogbert, "Can you help me weasel out of an impossible assignment?" Dogbert replies, "You came to the right place." Dogbert continues, "Gradually reword the objectives of the project until one day they match what you've already done." Headline: Six Months Later. Dilbert says to The Boss, "I successfully analyzed the feasibility of discontinuing the project." The Boss responds, "Success!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2002's comic on:

Tags #latest assignment, #impossible, #slow speed of light, #perfect art, #human cloing, #eliminate garvity, #stop the sun, #reanimate dead, #impossible tasks, #change the world, #nature

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Garbageman and asks, "Does my latest assignment look impossible?" The Garbageman reads the paper and replies, "Let's see... You'd need to slow the speed of light, and perfect the art of human cloning..." Dilbert asks, "So there's hope?" The Garbageman responds, "Eliminate gravity, stop the sun, reanimate the dead."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2011's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #cruelty, #impossible, #totally worthless, #vacations

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: It's impossible to get anything done this time of year because everyone who isn't totally worthless is on vacation. Dilbert: None taken.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #deception, #office workers, #planning, #assignments, #entre schedule, #next assignment

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I spent all of last week planning how to get everything done this week. Boss: Add one more thing. Wally: Okay, but I'll need to replan my entire schedule. Boss: How long will that take? Wally: Until you give me the next assignment.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2012's comic on:

Tags #monkeys, #big picture, #motivated, #monkey, #assignment, #eating banana, #imitating monkey, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I would feel more motivated if I knew how my assignment fits into the big picture. Boss: You don't need to be motivated. A monkey could do your assignment while eating a banana. Like this. Ooh-ooh-ooh! Dilbert: I think we're moving in the wrong direction.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #mutt, #chew, #assignment, #homework, #dog, #eat

View Transcript

Transcript

A boy walks up behind Dogbert and yells, "Yo! Mutt!!" The boy holds out a piece of paper and continues, "I need an excuse for not doing my homework. Chew on this assignment sheet and I'll say 'A dog ate it.'" The boy sits in a classroom desk and says, "A dog made me eat it." The boy's clothes are ripped and his face is dirty.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #robot, #building, #impossible, #perfectly, #neurospectrum, #ego, #engineer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table building something. Dogbert asks, "What happened with the robot you were building?" Dilbert replies, "Nobody can make a robot. It's impossible." The garbage man opens a trashcan and sees the remains of a robot. He thinks, "Hmm . . . A perfectly good robot. Probably just needs a neurospectrum field calibration." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "That whole robot project was bad for my ego as an engineer." A robot enters and says, "Hey! Guess who's WAY smarter than you!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1992's comic on:

Tags #ratbert, #product, #testing, #doc, #cosmetics, #dangerous, #assignment, #hate

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #assignment, #last, #ridiculous, #spontaneously, #channeling, #spirit, #bozo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Uh . . . Dilbert, about that assignment I gave you last month . . ." The Boss continues, "Remember how you thought it was a silly and ridiculous assignment?" Dilbert says, "Yeah?" The Boss replies, "Well, it turns out that I've been spontaneously channeling the spirit of Bozo the Clown." The Boss is suddenly wearing a clown nose and costume.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #potational, #assignment, #the boss, #notice, #market, #two, #drink, #minimum

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'm putting you on a rotational assignment . . ." The Boss continues, "You will be working in marketing until further notice." Dilbert arrives at the entrance to marketing. A sign over the door says, "Two drink minimum." Everyone inside is wearing a robe and holding a drink.