Impractical Advice Comic Strips
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206 Results for Impractical Advice
View 1 - 10 results for impractical advice comic strips. Discover the best "Impractical Advice" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 20,
2008
Tags #appear to be concerned, #decision making, #frequently thwarted, #impractical advice, #no one decides, #perpetual problems, #rarely disappointed, #unwarranted optimism
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I have an issue." The Boss says, "Lordy lord." Dilbert says, "No one in the department wants to be left out of the decision making." Dilbert says, "But no one is willing to make a decision." Dilbert says, "As a result, all of my problems are perpetual." Dilbert says, "Can you do something about that?" The Boss says, "I can appear to be concerned. How's this expression?" Dilbert says, "Can you combine that with some impractical advice and unwarranted optimism?" Dilbert says, "I'm frequently thwarted, but rarely disappointed."
Thursday February 26,
2015
Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice
Tags #Advice, #experience, #stock market, #lost savings, #past perfromance, #further returns, #money
Transcript
Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.
Wednesday July 15,
2015
Advice
Tags #ego, #talking, #conversation, #Advice, #insult, #insulting, #suggestion
Transcript
Coworker: Do you want some advice? Dilbert: Nope. Advice is just ego and ignorance disguised as helpfulness. Coworker: Then how will I hear myself talk? Dilbert: The supply cabinet has an awesome echo.
Thursday July 16,
2015
Advice Capture Device
Tags #deception, #trick, #invention, #Advice, #silence, #gullible, #guile
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented headphones that will record all of your advice as you dispense it. This way it will be preserved for future generations. Wally: He thinks we can hear him? Dilbert: He also thinks it is recording.
Wednesday July 29,
2015
What Advice Is
Tags #help, #gratitude, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #misanthropy, #Advice
Transcript
Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!
Tuesday June 12,
2018
Asking Successful People For Advice
Tags #success, #Advice, #ambition
Transcript
Asok: Every time I ask a successful person for career advice, I get a different answer. Carol: My plan for success is to lull my boss into a fatal accident and take over his identity. Asok: I'm not asking unsuccessful people for advice. Carol: Is that how you talk to your future boss?
Saturday June 16,
2018
Reincarnation Advice
Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.
Friday August 30,
2019
No One Is Taking Advice
Tags #Advice, #confidence, #employees, #jobs, #office workers, #youth
Transcript
Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.
Wednesday August 12,
2020
Helpful Advice
Tags #business, #office workers, #technology, #Advice, #personal, #life, #quality, #work
Transcript
co-worker: can i give you some helpful advice? dilbert: judging by the quality of your life, i'd say you probably can't. co-worker: leave my personal life out of it. dilbert: okay, let's talk about the putrid quality of your work.
Sunday March 28,
2021
Wally's Advice
Tags #Advice, #audience, #business, #complain, #connection, #droopy, #emotion, #emotional intelligence, #Entertainment, #hate, #medical, #persuasive, #problems, #sad, #sarcasm, #self-deprecating, #slide deck, #spouse, #technology, #tragic, #wife
Transcript
boss: if there anything i can do to make my slide deck more persuasive? wally: you need to make an emotional connection with your audience. start with a tragic personal story that makes everyone sad and droopy. then talk about your various medical problems, and don't spare the details. then complain about your wife because most people hate their spouses too, so they can relate. and don't spare the self-deprecating humor because everyone can relate to knowing you are a loser. boss: wow. thank you for that advice. i'll make those changes. dilbert: how much do you hate him? wally: it's more about my entertainment.