Search Results for "improve focus"
Share April 23, 1995's comic on:
A man tells Dilbert, "You'll be performing a 'Turing test' on our new artificial intelligence software." Dilbert sits at a desk. The researcher continues, "Try to determine if the responses on your screen come from our computer or a human in the next room." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it to write a strategy for our company." The computer responds, "Our strategy is to visionize quality resources that enhance earnings." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm." Dilbert says, "I'll ask it how to motivate employees." The computer response says, "Reorganize often to improve focus. Redefine work as 'opportunity' and increase it daily. Take time to ask for opinions then explain why they're wrong." Dilbert tells the researcher, "It must be a computer because there's no human intelligence. Unless . . ." Dilbert looks into the next room and sees the Boss sitting at a computer. Dilbert says, "Nice try, boss."
Share August 14, 2017's comic on:
Share December 02, 2011's comic on:
Boss: Alice, I need your project status update by end of day. Alice: Ahleth, ah wan yer proja thatuth updah, fuh-fuh-fuh. I'm trying to improve my listening skills by repeating what people say.
Share December 11, 2011's comic on:
Boss: These are our 25 focus areas for next year. Asok: Ha ha! Good one. Sometimes I think you have no sense of humor and then zing! What? Dilbert: I think it's real. Asok: It can't be real. No one would be dumb enough to think we can focus on 25 areas. Don't worry. I've got this. This misunderstood man is a brilliant comedian. He is only pretending to be an angry idiot. You're totally selling it.
Share December 28, 2011's comic on:
Boss: Don't let anyone disturb me. I'll be taking an online class to improve my charisma. Carol: While you're doing that, I'll be taking an online class to learn how to ignore your stupid, fake charisma. BRING IT ON! Boss: Okay, this got weird.
Share March 28, 2012's comic on:
Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.
Share October 24, 1990's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and another employee sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, the staff meeting is over. Does anybody have any meaningless rambling questions? Johnson?" Johnson asks, "How can we work as a team to achieve total quality without sacrificing customer focus?" The Boss asks, "How many people would like to see me make Johnson fetch this stick?" Everyone raises their hands.
Share September 12, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the floor and leans against the couch and Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert asks, "Why do women write letters to guys who are in prison?" Dilbert continues, "Maybe if I commit a crime I can go to prison just long enough to improve my social life." Dogbert asks, "Why not do a personals ad instead?" Dilbert replies, "That's more of a last resort."
Share October 28, 1992's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a chair across from a man. Dogbert says, "Every person has natural daily rhythms of mental peaks and troughs. We can use this knowledge to improve your performance." Dogbert hands the man a thermometer and continues, "We use hourly body temperature readings to identify and avoid the troughs." As the man leans back in his chair and waves his arms, Dogbert writes, "One o'clock. We have encountered a severe trough. I fear it could be the dreaded 'El Nino' trough."
Share February 12, 1994's comic on:
Dogbert: I found a way to profit from my innate cuteness. Introducing the limited edition "Baby Dogbert" ceramic figurine! Dilbert: I see - its a first aid device to induce vomiting. Dogbert: The focus group was a disaster.