In Exchange For Comic Strips
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Dilbert: ...so to do our part for east-west relations... I've decided to host a dog from the soviet exchange program. Dogbert: What? Dilbert: Dogbert, I'd like you to meet Nikita Nikita Dorgachev. Dogbert: Charmed.
Dogbert meets the soviet exchange program dog. Dogbert: He seems harmless. Polar Bear: Greetings, comrade Dogbert. I have come to learn capitalist system from dog's perspective. ...and your god is this Donald Trump? Dogbert: I don't think it's official yet.
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We can no longer compete against the Japanese with their technology advantages." The Boss continues, "So we're sending you to Japan on an employee exchange program." Dilbert asks, "To learn their technology and bring it back here?" The Boss replies, "Just do for them what you've done for us."
Boss: Our new Chief Economist, Wally, will tell us what to expect in the coming quarter. Wally: The exchange rate on derivatives will trigger a bubble in monetary policy and deflate the yen. CEO: I totally understand that and have no questions.Boss: Wow! He's good.
Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."
An employee asks Carol, "May I use your three-hole punch?" Carol waves her hand and exclaims, "Whoa Whoa Whoa!" Carol says, "You can't come waltzing into this department, using our stuff and leaving your holes." The employee says, "I'll clean up the holes." Carol hands him a piece of paper, "I want you to whack the people on this list."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I'm grossly underpaid. I want a raise." The Boss replies, "Oh, Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert." Dilbert responds, " What? What? What?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "People don't work here for money." The Boss continues in an enthused voice. "They work here for the challenge!" Dilbert answers, "If challenges are more valuable than money..." Dilbert continues, "Why don't you give me your money and I'll give you my challenges." After a moment of silence, Dilbert says "Well?" The Boss thinks to himself, "I must kill him before he infects the others."
Asok says, "Our ombudsman took my soul in exchange for a favorable view." Asok says, "I'd like a transfer to marketing, where having no soul is widely considered an asset." Man says, "I need someone who can make our product sound competitive without vomiting on his own copy." Asok says, "Ooh! Ooh!"
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, write up our technology strategy." Dilbert replies, "Okay." He pauses and then asks, "What's our strategy?" The Boss says, "How should I know? It's not written yet." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" Dilbert turns and says, "How can I write about something that doesn't exist?" He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss replies, "It will exist, as soon as you write it." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss and Dilbert exchange "Duhs:" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss turns to leave and says, "Just do it." The Boss thinks to himself, "Double duh." Dilbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Duh to infinity." Dilbert faces his computer and thinks, "If my company stock had any value, I'd be selling it right now."