Inaccurate Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

10 Results for Inaccurate

View 1 - 10 results for inaccurate comic strips. Discover the best "Inaccurate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 1999's comic on:

Tags #budget numbers, #totally inaccurate, #only numbers, #infinite inaccurate numbers, #encrypt them

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss stick his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Do you have those budget numbers from last months?" Dilbert says, "They're totally innaccurate." The boss says, "I know but those are the only numbers we have." Dilbert says, "Actually we have infinite inaccurate numbers to choose from." The boss says, "Let's keep those in our back pocket in case we need them." Dilbert says, "I'll encrypt them so no one else can use them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2001's comic on:

Tags #bad data, #data, #grossly inaccurate, #managing is hard

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "All of our data is grossly inaccurate... but I need data in order to manage." The Boss continues, "If I concentrate hard enough I can forget that the data is bad. Then I can use it." Wally and Dilbert watch as The Boss shakes with clenched teeth. Wally says, "I have to give him credit.; managing is harder than it looks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2002's comic on:

Tags #padded cost estimates, #co workers, #cost etsimates, #inaccurate data, #half full glass

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Boss and says, "I gathered all the padded cost estimates from the liars and scoundrels I'm ashamed to call co-workers." The Boss replies, "That's okay. I usually ignore our cost estimates and make bid proposals that I think will win." Dogbert is sitting on Dilbert's bed. Dilbert says, "I gather inaccurate data for a living. Luckily no one uses it." Dogbert replies, "Your glass is half full."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2004's comic on:

Tags #accounting system, #profitable, #manage randomlt, #claim success, #funding, #hug

View Transcript

Transcript

"Our accounting system is so inaccurate that we don't know how profitable anything is." "It's so bad that you could manage randomly and claim success no matter what happens." "I was looking for funding, not a hug."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2010's comic on:

Tags #tell joke, #business strategy, #laugh, #angry, #day job

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "What do you get when you combine cognitive bias with inaccurate information?" Coworker says, "Our business strategy! Hahahahahaha!!!" Coworker says, "I guess I should keep my day job." Dilbert says, "Good luck with that."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2009's comic on:

Tags #assignment, #useless, #questioning, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to audit the software we have on our systems." Dilbert says, "Why?" The boss says, "So we know what we have." Dilbert says, "Who will use the information?" The boss says, "It's just important to have." DIlbert says, "It will be out of date before I'm even done." The boss says, "Do your best." Dilbert says, "The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up." The boss says, "I hope no one ever comes here to learn our best practices."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2010's comic on:

Tags #presentation, #marketing video, #comments, #finished, #annoyed, #technology, #false, #wrong, #angry, #arms out, #Funny, #glare

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "And that's our new marketing video. We hope it will go viral." The Boss says, "You'll have our comments by tomorrow." Woman says, "I'm not asking for comments. The video is already finished." Dilbert says, "The technology claims in the video are criminally inaccurate." Woman says, "I sent the script to engineering for comments three months ago!" Woman says, "I got an email back from someone named Wally who said it was great." Wally says, "I thought she was asking if it was funny."

Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2019's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #variables, #forecast

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

All Data Is Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
All Data Is Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2020's comic on:

Tags #business, #co-workers, #data, #Entertainment, #experts, #guess, #horoscope, #inaccurate, #new study, #office workers, #pandemic, #sarcasm, #face mask, #covid

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert watching tv. tv: a new study shows that all data about everything is wrong. experts advised using horoscopes and guesswork to make decisions. dilbert: my co-workers already do that. dogbert: they were ahead of their time.