International Data Security Standards Group Comic Strips

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461 Results for International Data Security Standards Group

View 1 - 10 results for international data security standards group comic strips. Discover the best "International Data Security Standards Group" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #actions & defenses, #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #international data security standards group, #security prcedures, #bed sores

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Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.

Elbonian Spy

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Elbonian Spy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #face mask, #coronavirus, #spy, #foreigner, #data, #security, #racist, #excuse

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boss wearing face mask: our data security team informs me we have an elbonian spy in our midst. dilbert wearing face mask: maybe it's this elbonian guy you hired. elbonian wearing face mask: whoa, that is super racist. dilbert: is it you? elbonian: yes, but i don't see how that excuses you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2005's comic on:


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Elbonian hackers are trying to steal our source code. "Send our goons to beat them up." "I was thinking more along the lines of improving our data security." "Improve it or else I'll have our goons beat you up." "This is surprisingly motivational." "Youse call dat a firewall?"

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 1994's comic on:


Tags #device conforms, #international standards, #communications, #not fault, #less experineced, #boss phone number, #vendor, #salesman

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"Our device conforms to all international standards for communications." "In other words, it doesn't do anything useful and it's not your fault." "Is there somebody less experienced I could talk to?" "Do you have my boss's number?"

Government Wants Access To Data

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Government Wants Access To Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #national security, #privacy, #technology, #big business, #terrorism

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CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.

Sending Data To Elbonia

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Sending Data To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #business ethics, #proprietary, #data, #elbonia, #internet, #monitor, #activity, #conversation

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boss with face mask: our security team says you have been sending our proprietary data to elbonia. elbonian with face mask: you can't prove that. boss: i monitor all of your internet activities. elbonian: i monitor all of your internet activity, too. boss: then let's forget we had this conversation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #standards meeting., #represent interests, #create standards, #mutually exclusive prefrences, #laughs

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Standards Meeting. Dogbert: Each of you has been chosen to represent the interests of your respective companies. As you know, the best way to create standards is to mash together a bunch of mutually exclusive preferences. I hope I'm not the only one who joined this group just for the laughs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #job security

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The Boss says to Dogbert, who is wearing a sorcerer's hat, "I want you to read my boss's mind and tell me what he wants my group to work on." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just ask him?" The Boss replies, "Ask him?? I can't do that. His calendar is booked for months. And I never understand what he says anyway." Dogbert says, "He thinks you're an idiot, but it's easier to pay you than to fire you." The Boss whistles and says, "Whew! Job security."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #two day workshop, #mission, #vision, #useless jargon, #illiterate execustives, #mind numbing, #job security, #ethical behavior, #better idea, #high marks, #class evalutaion

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A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."