Investment Banking Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

61 Results for Investment Banking

View 1 - 10 results for investment banking comic strips. Discover the best "Investment Banking" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rat, #answers phone, #consulting compnay, #good pay, #investment banking, #phone call

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert walks by the phone as it rings. Ratbert answers the phone. Ratbert says, "Hello, I'm a rat." The voice on the other end of the phone says, "This is a consulting company. We'll pay you $200,000 per year to work for us." Ratbert says, "I'm more interested in investment banking." The voice says, "#*@ Job market."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

View Transcript

Transcript

Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #poison waffles, #stock, #insider trading, #conflicts of interest, #worthwhile, #banking business

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'll recommend your stock to the public, but first I need some conflicts of interest to make it worthwhile." "For example, I'll need to get your investment banking business." "Okay." "And you need to merge with my other client that makes poison waffles." "Okay."

Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #diversification, #investment, #obliviousness, #stock market, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #universities & colleges, #cost analysis, #data centers, #good investment, #college, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do a cost analysis for consolidating our data centers. No matter what the data says, make sure your conclusion is that it's a good investment. Dilbert: Remind me why I went to college. Boss: Some liar probably convinced you it was a good investment.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 million, #cloud start up, #social media, #venture capital, #location based, #flattering, #investment, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #high-risk, #investment, #bonds, #junk, #checking, #account, #ethel's, #savings, #loan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I lost my fortune in a high-risk investment." Dilbert asks, "Junk bonds?" Dogbert covers his eyes and says, "Checking account at 'Ethel's Savings and Loan!'"