Investment Banking Comic Strips

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61 Results for Investment Banking

View 1 - 10 results for investment banking comic strips. Discover the best "Investment Banking" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #rat, #answers phone, #consulting compnay, #good pay, #investment banking, #phone call

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Ratbert walks by the phone as it rings. Ratbert answers the phone. Ratbert says, "Hello, I'm a rat." The voice on the other end of the phone says, "This is a consulting company. We'll pay you $200,000 per year to work for us." Ratbert says, "I'm more interested in investment banking." The voice says, "#*@ Job market."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels

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Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole

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Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2004's comic on:


Tags #poison waffles, #stock, #insider trading, #conflicts of interest, #worthwhile, #banking business

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"I'll recommend your stock to the public, but first I need some conflicts of interest to make it worthwhile." "For example, I'll need to get your investment banking business." "Okay." "And you need to merge with my other client that makes poison waffles." "Okay."

Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok

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Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #diversification, #investment, #obliviousness, #stock market, #money

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Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes

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Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money

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Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #universities & colleges, #cost analysis, #data centers, #good investment, #college, #education

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Boss: Do a cost analysis for consolidating our data centers. No matter what the data says, make sure your conclusion is that it's a good investment. Dilbert: Remind me why I went to college. Boss: Some liar probably convinced you it was a good investment.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #10 million, #cloud start up, #social media, #venture capital, #location based, #flattering, #investment, #technology

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Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #high-risk, #investment, #bonds, #junk, #checking, #account, #ethel's, #savings, #loan

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I lost my fortune in a high-risk investment." Dilbert asks, "Junk bonds?" Dogbert covers his eyes and says, "Checking account at 'Ethel's Savings and Loan!'"