Isn't Mortal Comic Strips
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341 Results for Isn't Mortal
View 1 - 10 results for isn't mortal comic strips. Discover the best "Isn't Mortal" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 15,
2007
Tags #vp of marketing, #spray paint the oadkill, #dishonesty, #isn't mortal, #won't work
Transcript
Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday October 03,
1997
Tags #mob, #stupid people, #attack dogbert, #drink hose water, #isn't working, #grass, #attack, #ruin our lawn, #spraying water, #hose fight
Transcript
CAption: A mob of stupid people attack Dogbert's house. One in-duh-vidual says, "Our plan to drink all of his hose water isn't working." Another in-duh-vidual has a garden hose in his mouth and looks as if he is about to burst. The first in-duh-vidual says, "Hey, careful! You're getting water all over the grass..." Another person says, "Wait, that gives me an idea!" Dilbert reads the newspaper. "How's the attack going?" Dogbert replies, "They tried to ruin our lawn by spraying water on it. But now it's turned into a hose fight."
Monday November 08,
1999
Tags #judy, #missing days, #judy isn't here, #morale is higher, #coughing, #certificate
Transcript
The boss is standing drawing his arm in the direction of Judy, who is standing beside him. The boss says, "The attendance award goes to Judy for missing the most days." As the employees sit and applaud, the boss says, "I think we all agree that morale is higher when Judy isn't here." The boss hands Judy a certificate and says, "We took turns coughing on the certificate."
Friday February 04,
2000
Tags #waiting, #stock isn't vested, #over flow, #limbo, #hell
Transcript
Dilbert thinks to himself in front of his computer terminal: "I can't do anything because I'm always waiting for someone else." Phil, the Ruler of Heck, appears and says to Dilbert: "And you can't quit because your stock isn't vested." Dilbert asks Phil: "Am I in Heck?" The latter replies: "No. I'm just working the overflow from limbo."
Friday June 07,
2002
Tags #earned, #enginner, #life isn't fair, #moving up, #office space, #private offcie, #Promotion, #complaints
Transcript
Catbert says to Dilbert, "The other engineers are complaining because you have a private office." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should explain to each of them that life isn't fair." Dilbert is back in his old cubicle. He thinks, "Yeah, I guess it IS easier to explain it to one person."
Wednesday December 03,
2008
Tags #appreciation, #lunch, #employee appreciation lunch, #$35 a piece, #one isn't paying, #figured out
Transcript
The boss: Okay, the bill for the employee appreciation lunch comes out to $35 apiece. Alice: That only adds up if one of us isn't paying. The boss: The employees figured out why I appreciate taking them to lunch.
Sunday April 02,
2006
Tags #interview candidate, #isn't too old, #illegal ask, #telltale signs, #explosive ear hair
Transcript
Interview this candidate and make sure he isn't too old. "It's illegal to ask his age." "Just stall until you see the telltale signs of E.E.H.G." "E.E.H.G.?" "Explosive ear hair growth." "Hmm. No wrinkles. But maybe he uses moisturizers and stays out of the sun." "Wait...wait..." "Can't...hold out any...longer." "GAAA!!! Look away! Look away!" "Ha!" "Then I waited and waited...What?"
Sunday November 04,
2001
Tags #cubicle time, #isn't productive, #set priorities, #projects flounder, #big raise, #either way, #cubicle
Transcript
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, may I have a word with you?" The Boss continues, "You're not spending enough time in your cubicle." The Boss continues, "It looks as if our department isn't productive." Alice responds, "But.. I can't do my job from my cubicle." The Boss replies, "You have to set priorities. Looking productive is very important to this department." Alice clenches her fists in anger. Alice exclaims, "Will I get a big raise for looking busy while my projects flounder?!" The Boss replies, "You won't get a big raise either way." The Boss continues, "Here's a blank piece of paper to carry back to your cubicle." Alice clenches her fists again and cries, "GAAA!!"
Sunday November 26,
2000
Tags #pet project, #isn't feasible, #working numebrs, #underlying reality, #massaged the numbers, #working, #numbers, #impossiblepossible, #new numbers, #other ideas, #fiddle with numbers
Transcript
Dilbert, putting a paper on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "My analysis shows that your pet project isn't feasible." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Try working the numbers." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't change the underlying reality." The Boss asks, "What if we massaged the numbers?" Dilbert says, "Massaging the numbers means the same thing as working the numbers." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You can't make the impossible possible by hallucinating new numbers." Dilbert asks The Boss, "Do you have any other ideas?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "That depends on the the phrase 'fiddle with the numbers' means."
Sunday May 09,
2021
Boss Isn't Fair
Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #project, #fair, #repeating, #bump, #head
Transcript
dilbert and ceo on video call. dilbert: it isn't fair that alice gets all the best projects. boss: and what's your point? dilbert: it's not fair. boss: you already said that. dilbert: you should do something to make it more fair. boss: why? dilbert: because it's not fair? boss: did you bump your head?