Jerks Comic Strips
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14 Results for Jerks
View 1 - 10 results for jerks comic strips. Discover the best "Jerks" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 08,
2011
Tags #doctors, #employees, #medicines, #nice guys, #paid less, #aggressive jerks, #offer raise, #testosterone injections, #illegal, #dangerous, #unethical, #tiny income, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.
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Monday October 10,
2011
Tags #money, #prices, #aggressive jerks, #underpaid nerdling, #give her a raise, #nice employees
Transcript
Dilbert: I read that aggressive jerks get paid more than nice employees. Alice: Step aside, underpaid nerdling! Boss: Remind me to give her a raise, and I don't know why.
Friday October 16,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #self-centered, #jerks, #woman, #dating, #date, #different, #considerate, #ugly
Transcript
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Most handsome men are self-centered jerks." The woman continues, "But you're different . . . You're . . ." Dilbert asks, "Considerate?" The woman replies, "Ugly."
Monday July 23,
2007
Tags #crunchy food, #cubilces, #love slat, #more than coworkers, #only jerks, #salty food, #disrepsect
Transcript
Tina: Your snacks are too loud. crunch crunch crunch "Only inconsiderate jerks eat crunchy food in cubicles." crunch crunch crunch Wally: "Maybe you should try to make me love you more than I love salt."
Friday July 19,
2013
Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money
Transcript
Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.
Saturday February 15,
2014
Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.
Sunday November 22,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #school, #jerk, #sorting, #major, #categories, #specialized, #instruction, #supermodel, #cindy, #picture, #Sports, #hubba, #court
Transcript
Two men shove each other as they enter "Dogbert's School for Jerks." Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "We'll begin by sorting you into the three major jerk categories for specialized instruction." Dogbert holds up a photo and says, "Look at this picture of supermodel Cindy Crawford." A man in the audience says, "Whoa! Hubba! Snort!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who said 'hubba,' stand over there. You are what is called 'jerks around women.'" Dogbert tosses a ball into the audience and says, "Now, somebody catch this ball, please." Someone yells, "Foul! You fouled!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who yelled 'foul' is a 'sports jerk.' Stand over there." A man says, "It WAS a foul." Dogbert says, "So, whoever is left must be . . ." A woman wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase says, "Hurry up. I'm late for court." The man next to her asks, "You're a lawyer too?" Another man says, "I was going to say 'hubba.'"
Thursday November 22,
2012
Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #leader, #manager, #bad managers, #hinesty, #business
Transcript
Boss: I see myself as more of a leader than a manager. Catbert: That's what all bad managers say. I'm just being honest. Boss: That's what all jerks say.
Tuesday April 07,
2009
Tags #meeting, #discussion, #deliberating, #firing, #layoffs, #downsizing, #business
Transcript
Catbert says, "Do you want to lay off the highly skilled, whiny jerk who is toxic to the workplace or?" Catbert says, "?The pleasant but incompetent guy who will lead us to ruination?" Catbert says, "This got harder after we fired all of the unskilled, whiny jerks." The boss says, "Which one is uglier?"
Wednesday May 20,
2009
Tags #violence, #punching, #pain, #meeting, #angry, #economy, #business
Transcript
Alice says, "I hear you have an MBA, just like the jerks who ruined the economy." Alice says, "I'm going to punch you so hard that it hurts everyone who has the same degree." Dilbert says, "What as that hideous noise?" Man says, "Ow!!!!"