Job Process Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Job Process

View 1 - 10 results for job process comic strips. Discover the best "Job Process" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags document, job process, requirements, anticipate, shifting political winds, relevant buzzwords, achieve, importance, adding value, process design

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, hr director, too stressful, company counselor, re engineered, counseling process, cover sand

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee sits in Catbert's office. The man says, "My job is too stressful. Can I see a company counselor?" As he plays with the ball of string on his desk, Catbert replies, "I re-engineered our counseling process. Now we put you in a big hole and cover you with sand." The man stands in the hole while Catbert kicks sand onto him. The employee says, "If this is my only benefit I'd better get a LOT of sand!" Catbert says, "Just keep your mouth open."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, the boss, hire, consultant, cognitive, dissonance, employee, morale, absurd, situation, work, minds, comfortable, illusion, strange, dead end, job, love, mediocre, freely

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Why should I hire you as my consultant?" Dogbert replies, "I'll use my special process of cognitive dissonance to improve employee morale." The Boss asks, "How does it work?" Dogbert explains, "When people are in an absurd situation, their minds rationalize it by inventing a comfortable illusion." The Boss says, "Okay, go do it." Dogbert asks an employee, "Isn't it strange that you have this dead end job when you're twice as smart as your boss?" Dogbert continues, "The hours are long, the pay is mediocre, nobody respects your contributions, and yet you freely choose to work here." The man looks upset. The man says, "It's absurd! No, wait . . . There must be a reason . . . I must work here because I LOVE the work." The man sits at his desk humming and thinking, "I love this job." Dogbert says, "Next!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help desk, reengineered, out of existence, never call again, pie chart, crush computer, ass flour, bake one hour, free novel, manual, repeat process

View Transcript

Transcript

A bald man says into the telephone, "Hello, is this the 'Help Desk'?" Dogbert wears a headset and sits at a computer. He replies, "No, that group got reengineered out of existence." Dogbert continues, "I'm the new 'No Help Whatsoever Desk.' My job is to make sure you never call again." The man asks, "Can you tell me how to make a pie chart?" Dogbert replies, "Crush your computer into small chunks, add flour and bake one hour." Dogbert continues, "While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you. It's a Spanish story about a guy named 'Manual.'" Dogbert continues, "Repeat the process until you get the desired result." The man sits next to an oven reading an instruction manual. He thinks, "This lost a LOT in the translation."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, interview, disappointment, humiliation, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "You survived the rigorous interview process, but there are no openings in engineering." Dogbert says, "However, I am prepared to offer you a position in sales." Dilbert says, "You mean a job?" Dogbert says, "No, just a position." Dilbert says, "This took and ugly turn."

Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, labor, free, taking advantage, side job, boss, conflict of interest

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.

Asok Has Worst Job In The World

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Has Worst Job In The World - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hit man, job, happiness, satisfaction, doppelganger, double, lookalike, business, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.

Wally Is Born For The Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags legacy, system, laziness, perfect job, goals, ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.

Job Has No Meaning

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Job Has No Meaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, employment, job, salary, meaningful

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My job doesn't have meaning. Dogbert: If your employer added meaning to your job, would you agree to a cut in pay? Dilbert: No. Dogbert: I guess we just found the economic value of "meaning".

Great Job For Someone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Great Job For Someone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, job, opening, private, office, opportunity, background, rid

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.