Job Functions Comic Strips
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947 Results for Job Functions
View 1 - 10 results for job functions comic strips. Discover the best "Job Functions" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 26,
2001
Tags #downsized, #job functions, #unimportant things, #outsourced
Transcript
The boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I downsized Ted and outsourced his important job functions." The boss continues, "I'd like you to do all of his unimportant job functions." Dilbert asks, "Why do we do unimportant things?" The boss says, "Because we can!"
Saturday January 18,
2020
Poison Pill
Tags #co-worker, #cross-train, #business, #relationship, #training, #bad, #fire, #poison pill, #planner
Transcript
dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.
Wednesday June 23,
2021
Ted Will Train You
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #training, #absence, #coffee, #helpful, #problem, #successful, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: ask ted to show you how to do his job functions before he leaves for his new job. panel changes to office building. dilbert: what if he isn't helpful? boss: then i'll fire you for failing. panel changes back in office: dilbert: do you see any problem with the approach? boss: no. it's worked for years.
Monday September 14,
2015
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job
Tags #work, #labor, #free, #taking advantage, #side job, #boss, #conflict of interest
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.
Thursday December 15,
2016
Asok Has Worst Job In The World
Tags #hit man, #job, #happiness, #satisfaction, #doppelganger, #double, #lookalike, #business, #psychology
Transcript
Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.
Saturday February 25,
2017
Wally Is Born For The Job
Tags #legacy, #system, #laziness, #perfect job, #goals, #ambition
Transcript
Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.
Saturday July 20,
2019
Job Has No Meaning
Tags #employees, #employment, #job, #salary, #meaningful
Transcript
Dilbert: My job doesn't have meaning. Dogbert: If your employer added meaning to your job, would you agree to a cut in pay? Dilbert: No. Dogbert: I guess we just found the economic value of "meaning".
Saturday April 18,
2020
Great Job For Someone
Tags #business, #office workers, #job, #opening, #private, #office, #opportunity, #background, #rid
Transcript
dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.
Monday December 14,
2020
Reimagine Ted's Job
Tags #boring, #business, #job, #new, #pay, #projects, #reimagine, #technology, #compensation
Transcript
boss: ted, we need to reimagine your job. ted: i hope that means you will replace the boring parts of my job with exciting new projects. boss: it doesn't mean that. boss: does it mean doing the same work for higher pay?
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.