Search Results for "job is safe"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #no downsizing, #job is safe, #quality good news, #going downhill

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally, "Good news, Wally. Most of our smart employees quit to get much better jobs elsewhere. Now we don't have to do any downsizing." The Boss continues, "Your job is safe. We need you to do the work of all the people who left." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Is it just me . . . or is the quality of 'good news' really going downhill lately?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say you're both going downhill."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #fat and lazy, #safe working, #thrive on abuse, #complain, #remove tongue, #begging, #desparate

View Transcript

Transcript

Albanian: If you hire me, I will do all the jobs that the people born in this country are too fat and lazy to do. I don't require a safe working environment, and I thrive on abuse! The Boss: Do you complain much?" Albanian: I'll remove my own tongue and give it to you in a pickle jar for boss's day.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #office, #Environment, #risks, #mistakes, #fist, #hard job

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "My job is to create an environment where employees feel safe taking risks." The Boss says, "My other job is punishing employees who make any kind of mistake." The Boss says, "My point is that I'm glad I don't have your job."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #extra luck, #less available, #albert einstein, #hero, #critic of war, #jeffrey dahmer, #lottery win

View Transcript

Transcript

"I have a job interview. Wish me luck." "No." "If you get extra luck then there might be less available for me." "I don't think it works that way." "I can't take that chance." "Tell me, Dilbert, who would you consider your hero?" "Albert Einstein." "That should be safe." "Oh, really? He was an outspoken critic of war. We design missle guidance systems." "How about Jeffrey Dahmer? No?" "I won the lottery!"

Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work, #labor, #free, #taking advantage, #side job, #boss, #conflict of interest

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.

Asok Has Worst Job In The World

Thank you for voting.
Asok Has Worst Job In The World - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #hit man, #job, #happiness, #satisfaction, #doppelganger, #double, #lookalike, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I thought I accidentally killed the creator of Garfield, but it turns out I killed his body double. Our boss ordered me to do the hit. I have the worst job in the world. Dilbert: No, I think that body double has the worst job. Asok: I'm only talking about the living.

Wally Is Born For The Job

Thank you for voting.
Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #legacy, #system, #laziness, #perfect job, #goals, #ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #interviews, #wages, #interviewing, #salary range, #reveal nature of job, #current salary, #interviewing me, #evil or inconsiderate, #current job, #test the commute, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Thanks for spending the day itnerviewing with us. I can now reveal the vature of the job and the salary range." Dilbert says, "You know my current salary and yet you wasted my entire day interviewing me for a job that pays less. You are either evil or inconsiderate." Man says, "So... not as good as your current job?" Dilbert says, "It's a tie. I'll need to test the commute one more time."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"