Keeping Track Everyone Comic Strips
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373 Results for Keeping Track Everyone
View 1 - 10 results for keeping track everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Keeping Track Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 22,
2001
Tags #inform carol, #whereabouts, #wandering around, #canceled policy, #stupid policy, #work for carol, #keeping track everyone
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally are facing The Boss at a conference table. The Boss says, "Yesterday I needed to ask Dilbert a question but I couldn't find him." The Boss' voice continues, "From now on, each of you must inform Carol of your whereabouts at all times." Alice turns to Wally and whispers, "Handle it." Wally walks past Carol's desk with a coffee cup in his hand. He reports, "I'll be wandering around with my coffee cup." He continues, as Carol frowns in the background: "If I find a newspaper I'll take a break in marketing's luxurious rest facilities." He continues, "Then I'll stop by the cute intern's cubicle to do some flirting." Carol sits thoroughly irritated and he continues nonetheless: "I stand in her doorway so she can't escape. I think I'm making progress." He goes to take a sip of coffee and concludes, "I'm becoming immune to pepper spray." Carol enters The Boss' office and says, "I canceled your stupid policy." The Boss continues to read the newspaper, unaffected.
Sunday February 27,
1994
Tags #dog collar, #keep track, #employee slaves, #final humiliation, #cubicles, #gerbils, #rationalization, #mechanisms, #collar, #6 foot extension cord, #dog, #adapting, #animals
Transcript
The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device." "Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times." "We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long." "It's a dog collar...the final humiliation." "Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible." "My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in." "It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it." "It's not so bad." "It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."
Wednesday October 17,
2001
Tags #stock market expert, #buy stock, #sell house, #track record, #one week chart, #buy buy
Transcript
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"
Thursday September 15,
2011
Tags #anger, #debates, #more aggressive, #blaming others, #lack of success, #keeping from work
Transcript
Wally: I've decided to become more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success. For example, you're keeping me from working right now. Dilbert: No I'm not. Wally: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU ALL DAY!
Friday May 22,
1992
Tags #the boss, #dave, #haircut, #management, #fast-track, #program, #hair
Transcript
Dave sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dave, I hear that you've started cutting your own hair . . ." The Boss continues, "I'm afraid I'll have to drop you from the management fast-track program." The Boss walks away thinking, "Lucky we caught that one before he got too far."
Thursday August 27,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #ben, #newest, #fast-track, #manager, #real, #experience, #executive, #style, #hair, #silver
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I'd like you meet Ben, our newest fast-track manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "Ben has no real experience but he's very tall, so we know he'll go far." Ben adds, "I also have executive style hair." The Boss says, "We think it will turn silver."
Thursday October 08,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #government, #general, #kill, #encounter, #space, #aliens, #governments, #track, #record, #budget, #cutbacks, #air, #support
Transcript
Dilbert stands next to a man in a military uniform. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The government sent a General to kill me for talking about my encounter with space aliens." Dilbert continues, "I was scared at first, but when you think about the government's track record, well, my odds are pretty good . . ." Dilbert continues, "Especially after all the budget cutbacks." The General says into a walkie-talkie radio, "Dang it! Where's my air support?!!"
Thursday November 05,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #creative, #ideas, #worry, #shakes, #Wally, #track, #record, #work, #ahead
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."
Saturday December 31,
1994
Tags #self mangled team, #vital tasks, #staus report, #kiss some butts, #track your time
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm going to make your group a 'self-managed team.'" The Boss continues, "All of the vital management tasks that I've been doing will now be shared among you." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "Stop your work and give me a status report." Alice says, "Track your time." Wally says, "I think I'll kiss some butts."
Monday February 13,
1995
Tags #quantify contributions, #designing future products, #billion daollars, #track numbers, #boss, #Dilbert
Transcript
The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I'm asking everybody to quantify their contributions to revenue. Your pay will depend on it." The Boss continues, "I realize this is hard to quantify because you're designing future products but . . . " Dilbert writes a figure on the paper and says, "Here you go." The Boss reads what Dilbert wrote and says, "A billion dollars? It's as if you cynically believe we can't track these numbers." Dilbert replies, "That crossed my mind."