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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2003's comic on:

Tags #million lines of code, #irrelevent data, #key your car, #no choice

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The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2003's comic on:

Tags #profitability, #year 3, #key revenue, #comet strike oil, #crashes through wall, #abstractions, #presentation

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Dilbert: "As requested, I wrote the business plan to show profitability by year three." Dilbert: "The key revenue assumption is that an armored car crashes through that wall and spills its contents." "And don't stand where the comet is assumed to strike oil."

Dilbert Designs Flying Car

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Dilbert Designs Flying Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2015's comic on:

Tags #business decisions, #good ideas, #ideas, #innovation, #inventions, #managers, #rejection, #flying car, #harvest ion, #ion powered cars, #selfie camera, #sterring wheel

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Dilbert: I designed a flying car that harvests ions from the air to power itself. We can build them for only $3,000 apiece. CEO: There's no market for ion-powered flying cars. Dilbert: I can put a selfie camera in the steering wheel. CEO: Much better. And let' say the car does not fly.

Electric Car Business

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Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2016's comic on:

Tags #electric car, #scam

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Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?

Car Rental Typing

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Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2016's comic on:

Tags #logic, #efficiency, #car rental, #frustration

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Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

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Wally Has A Car Problem

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Wally Has A Car Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2018's comic on:

Tags #blame, #excuse, #laziness, #problems, #starbucks, #car problem

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Wally: Sorry I'm late. I had a car problem. Boss: What kind of car problem? Wally: I didn't get in it soon enough. Boss: That sounds like a "you" problem. Wally: Then my stupid car took me to Starbucks.

Crypto Key

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Crypto Key - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2018's comic on:

Tags #ceo, #Wally, #cryptocurrency, #wallet, #disappeared, #private, #key

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CEO: I put five thousand dollars into the cryptocurrency wallet you created for me and it disappeared! You're the only other person who knew my password and private key. Wally: That's not true. I shared them with Dilbert to create reasonable doubt.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #career path, #warn you, #maximum career potential, #less embarrassing car, #ne wocmpany, #ceo, #huge nbonus, #conversation

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Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss

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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2012's comic on:

Tags #actions & defenses, #billion dollars, #business ethics, #golden key, #rich people, #top 1%, #flying unicorn

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Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.