Kill Or Cannibalize Comic Strips
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189 Results for Kill Or Cannibalize
View 1 - 10 results for kill or cannibalize comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Or Cannibalize" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday December 30,
2013
Tags business ethics, executives, managers & supervisors, kill or cannibalize, business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.
Monday May 09,
2011
Tags annoyance, death & dying, health insurance, advance health care, directive, kill me directive
Transcript
Dogbert: Here's the first draft of an advance health care directive I wrote for you. Dilbert: "Kill me if I have a headache. Kill me if I'm itchy. Kill me if I complain too much." I might have some edits. Dogbert: There's your complaining again!
Wednesday January 12,
2011
Tags engineers, vaccinnations, wicked case, disease, heat, every seven years, kill me!
Transcript
Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued
Saturday October 22,
2011
Tags crimes, criminals, elbonian, minister of commerce, leave no eveidence, connects crime, bribe him, kill him
Transcript
CEO: I need you to bribe an Elbonian minister of commerce and leave no evidence that connects the crime to our company. Dogbert: The only way to do that is to bribe him and kill him at the same time. CEO: I did not think this through. Dogbert: And obviously I'll need to do you first.
Saturday February 11,
2012
Tags arrogant, awesomeness, deep undertsnding, meetings, moral obligation, no kill switch, reports, tecnology, tone down
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.
Saturday May 05,
1990
Tags Dilbert, new york, hunt, down, kill, them, water cooler, scared, political dynamic
Transcript
A man says to Dilbert, "Hear about the new guy? He's from NEW YORK." Dilbert gulps and another man yells, "Hear he comes!" Dilbert and the two men run screaming. The new guy stands in front of the water cooler and says, "Well, I suppose I could hunt them down and kill them one by one."
Thursday October 18,
1990
Tags judicial proceedings, Dilbert, Dogbert, lawyer, jury duty, kill, axe, civic duty
Transcript
The defense lawyer says to the jury, "My client has been accused of the most heinous crimes." The attorney points to a man holding an ax and wearing an executioner's hat. The attorney asks, "But does this look like a person who could kill??" Dogbert, who is sitting next to Dilbert, raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!!"
Tuesday March 12,
1991
Tags shredder, kill, coffee, machine, broke, rendering, inattentive, acted, alone
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk wearing shredded clothing. Dilbert says, "The shredder tried to kill me." Dilbert continues, "First, the coffee machine broke, rendering me inattentive . . ." The Boss asks, "What are you suggesting?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think the shredder acted alone."
Wednesday July 03,
1991
Tags Dilbert, garbage, man, stand, legal, kill, ear, corntwo, conditions, victim, witch, poodle
Transcript
Dogbert stands in front of the judge's bench and says, "I call my garbage man to the stand, because he knows everything." The garbage man sits in the witness stand and says, "According to the Iowa Corn Treaty of 1837, it is LEGAL to kill a man with an ear of corn under two conditions . . ." The garbage man continues, "One: if the victim is a witch or two: if he owns a poodle." Dogbert says, "For my next witness, I call 'Fifi.'"
Friday August 02,
1991
Tags Dilbert, eliminating, simple, caused, people, invisible, juan, cindy, kill, them, motivational, speaking
Transcript
Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He says to the audience, "The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is quite simple." Dogbert continues, "All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy." Dogbert continues, "All you have to do is find them and kill them."