Knock Out Comic Strips

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1000 Results for Knock Out

View 1 - 10 results for knock out comic strips. Discover the best "Knock Out" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mismatch, #improve yourself, #my level, #gaining weight, #terrible haircut, #few teeth, #wear stained clothes, #tobacco

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Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #scientist, #music player, #throw coffee cup, #kung fu, #knock out, #steal idea, #science

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Man says, "I invented a music device that reads your brain waves and only plays songs that fit your mood." The Boss says, "Kung Fu coffee cup!" BONK! The Boss says, "Hey, look what I invented!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer screen, #defective, #ignoring, #knock yourself out, #over rated, #vigorusly

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Asok asks The Boss, "The lower left part of my computer screen is defective. May I order a replacement?" The Boss replies, "That part of the screen is overrated. Try ignoring it." Asok asks, "May I vigorously bang my head on your desk?" The Boss replies, "Sure. Knock yourself out."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ed, #television, #television repair, #Dilbert, #knock, #pills, #medication, #busy

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Dilbert: I'd fix it myself but I know it takes special tools... Plus I would just have to order a part... And I'm pretty busy... Ed: Take two of these... Dilbert: "Engineer's pills?" Ed: They'll knock you out until I'm gone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #fate, #steal, #dilberts, #hover-saucer, #conquer, #tiny, #nation, #elbonia, #knock, #unfriendly, #merger, #opportunity

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Dogbert sits on his pillow. There is a knock at the door. Dogbert opens the door and an old man with a staff and a hat with an "F" on it stands on the doorstep. The man says, "Dogbert, I am 'Fate.' You must steal Dilbert's hover-saucer and conquer the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dogbert asks, "Since when does Fate knock?" The man replies, "I was bought out in an unfriendly merger by 'Opportunity.' I should have seen it coming."

Quotes Out Of Context

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Quotes Out Of Context  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #business, #context, #dumb, #employment, #face mask, #malice, #managers & supervisors, #out of context, #project, #quote, #writing

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co-worker: i don't like what you wrote about my project, so i took one of your quotes out of context, to make you look dumb, and sent it to your boss. dilbert: that won't work, because once i explain the proper context, he will see there is nothing to it. later that day. dilbert: ...so, as you can see, that quote was out of context. boss yelling: liar!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time travel, #elbonia, #time, #70 years future, #great grandson, #set thing, #won't work out, #cave, #pool, #monster, #gun

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Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #mindless task, #intern, #time, #little value, #jump out, #nice way to say

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Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #envy, #useful member of society, #admiration, #respect, #peers, #talked out of

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Wally: I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society. Then I could enjoy the admiration and respect of my peers. Dilbert: The way you respect and admire me? Wally: Great! Now you've talked me out of it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #doctors' offices, #medicines, #whiny idiots, #pill, #doctor, #exam room, #office, #treadmill, #pass out, #medical

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Dilbert: I'm sick of listening to whiny idiots. Do you have a pill for that? Doctor: I sure do! I took a handful of them this morning and I feel great in spite of your complaining! How funny would it be if I make you run on a treadmill until you pass out?