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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #tax, #rebate, #Dogs, #only, #fair, #stimulate, #economy, #keynesian, #free, #market, #boost, #gnp, #supply, #side, #curve, #positive, #vote, #reel

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Dogbert sits across from the President's desk. Dogbert says, "So, Mister President, a tax rebate for dogs is the only fair way to stimulate the economy." Dogbert continues, "Because then you get a keynesian free market multiplier effect to boost your GNP up the supply side of the curve." The President asks, "Are you POSITIVE that dogs can vote?" Dogbert thinks, "Now, r-e-e-l him in . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #s.e.w.l.t.u.i.f.e, #lay dog, #society, #engineers, #initials, #everything, #acronyms, #unwashed, #masses, #technology, #b.f.d., #big furry deal

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm joining the S.E.W.L.T.U.I.F.E." Dilbert explains, "To the lay dog, it's known as the 'Society of Engineers Who Like to Use Initials for Everything.'" Dilbert continues, "We use acronyms to set us apart from the unwashed masses who don't understand technology." Dogbert replies, "B.F.D." The caption translates Dogbert's comment as "Big Furry Deal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #new org chart, #promotion for intern, #startegies, #pretend its work

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Dilbert shouts at Asok, "I don't care what it 'looks' like on the org chart! You're an intern, not my boss!" The Boss pats Asok on the back and says, "I just saw the new org chart. Congratulations on your promotion, Asok!" Asok and the Boss walk away from Dilbert's desk. Asok says, "Let's go make some strategies and pretend it's work!" The Boss whispers, "Not so loud. The L-U-S-E-R might hear." Dilbert bangs his head on the desk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anne l. retentive, #anal retentive, #typo killed, #comma, #coma

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Dilbert: Anne, I need you to review my first draft. Anne: TYPO! AAAGH! MY WORLD IS FLYING APART!!! Wally: You killed Anne L. retentive with a typo? Dilbert: No, she's in a a comma.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new job, #starts with l, #window shuts, #company, #business

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Dilbert is staring at his computer screen. Ted has the letter 'O' painted on his chest. Ted says to Dilbert, "I need a new job within the company before the window shuts." Ted says, "Catbert is already up to 'O.' Next week he gets an 'S'." Dilbert asks, "What's he spelling?" Ted says to Dilbert, "He wouldn't say, but it starts with an 'L'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing acronyms, #wrong ones, #different meaning, #o.r.d>, #b.g.g., #q.r.b., #doesn't require nudity

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Asok the Intern sits at the conference table between the Boss and Dilbert. Asok says, "Per marketing's request, I did an O.R.D. for the B.G.G. that resulted in a Q.R.B." Dilbert and Alice listen as Asok continues, "Then I discovered that marketing uses those acronyms for different things." Asok says, "Their version doesn't require nudity, just to pick one example." The Boss puts his hands to his face in frustration.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anne l. retentive, #task, #deliverable, #task not verb, #falling apart, #timeline project

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Headline: Anne L. Retentive. Anne is sitting at her desk. The Boss approaches from behind and startles her. He says, "Anne, I'm going to task you with a deliverable." Anne exclaims, "Gaaa!! Task is not a verb!! My world is falling apart!" The Boss smirks. As he's walking away, The Boss thinks to himself, "Tomorrow I'll ask her to timeline her project."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #stock market, #innovative pordcuts, #in pipeline, #r&d budget, #firings, #sexy startup, #work smarter, #ironic, #money

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Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money

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Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.