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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tainted research, #media, #clebrities, #blood, #environmental issues, #humor, #larry david, #hybrid car, #Entertainment

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Dogbert:"We need to get you on TV to publicize the tainted research I did." "The media likes celebrities, blood, environmental issues and humor." "Someone pushed a pointy-haired man in front of Larry David's car today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #couples, #dating, #mobile (cell) phones, #ex boyfreind, #entertainment stabdard, #samrtphone, #smartphone scale, #lying larry, #relationships

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Woman: I used to compare all men to my ex-boyfriend. Now I compare all men to the entertainment standard of my smartphone. Dilbert: I only scored a two on the smartphone scale, but I was a solid five compared to someone named "lying Larry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaurs, #theory, #giant meteor, #earth, #larry

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Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor in front of Dilbert's chair. Dilbert says, ". . . So the theory that dinosaurs were destroyed when a giant meteor collided with earth . . ." Bob says, ". . . Was highly exaggerated." A dinosaur points at another dinosaur who lies underneath a meteor and says, "Ha ha, Larry! Ha ha!" Another animal says, "Nice catch." From underneath the meteor, Larry says, "Ouch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1992's comic on:


Tags #larry king, #live, #dog, #sexy, #beer, #commercial, #angry, #feminist, #encourage, #Women, #sex, #objects, #views, #Dogbert

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Larry King sits at a table and says into the microphone, "Tonight on 'Larry King Live' we have a dog who makes sexy beer commercials, plus an angry feminist." The woman points to Dogbert and says, "His commercials encourage discrimination against women by portraying us all as sex objects." Dogbert asks the woman, "Are you saying men are so dumb, they get their views on life from beer commercials?" The woman crosses her arms and says, "I call them like I see them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #cds, #account, #push-ups, #exercise, #glasses, #david packard, #bank, #bank account

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Dilbert says, "They were rude to me at the bank again, Dogbert." Dilbert points to the door and says, "I've had enough . . . Sic 'em, boy!!" Dogbert walks into the bank. Dogbert tells a woman, "Hi. I'm David Packard; billionaire founder of Hewlett-Packard." Dogbert sits at the woman's desk and continues, ". . . And I'd like to put all of my money into one of your non-interest bearing accounts." The woman replies, "You're not David Packard. You're just a dreadful little dog with glasses." The woman says, "Then again . . . I've never seen a picture of David Packard . . . I'd better open the account." Dogbert says, "Very good. Now give me fifty push-ups or I'll take my business elsewhere."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #wages, #media, #overpaid, #ceos, #executive pay, #sultan of brunei, #larry elliosn, #god, #Religion, #Entertainment, #money

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CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #crazy thought, #witness, #conference room, #fresh heck, #sadist, #sociopath

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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dinosaur, #medical expenses, #plattypuss

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Bob the Dinosaur remembers the image of a dinosaur crushed under a meteor. Bob says, ". . . But Larry the Dinosaur survived his brush with the meteor." Bob continues, "His medical expenses soared. Today we recognize Larry as the first of a new evolutionary chain of dinosaurs . . ." Bob pictures a flat animal with legs. Bob concludes, "The 'Doctor-Billed Flattypuss.'" Dilbert says, "I'm not buying this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #shopping, #nerdstrom, #compile family, #complimentary, #guarantee, #nice

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Dilbert walks into a store called Nerdstrom. A salesclerk says to Dilbert, "Hi, I'm Larry, and I'll be your personal shopping assistant." The salesman opens a measuring tape and says, "I'll start by measuring you, then I'll do your colors, then compile a brief family history for our records." The salesman continues, "Complimentary food and beverages will be served, and a masseuse is on call." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a new pen . . . Maybe something in a Bic." The man says, "I recommend the blue. We guarantee it for life." Dilbert says, "Yes, this will do nicely." Back at home, Dogbert asks, "Was it expensive?" Dilbert replies, "Fortunately, I qualified for their identured servant plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #supreme ruler, #universe, #next movie, #the show, #embraced you, #befor ehsow, #no visible mouth

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Dogbert appears on the "Larry King Live" show. Dogbert says into the microphone, "Larry, I'm here to announce my candidacy for Supreme Ruler of the Universe." Larry says, "That's funny! Tell us about your next movie, Sharon." Dogbert replies, "I'm not Sharon Stone. I said that to get on the show." Larry says, "So . . . When I embraced you before the show . . ." Dogbert says, "I think we're both glad I have no visible mouth."