Dilbert: "And you failed at your primary objective of winning a bid for the galatikus job." "That's because you said you'd deliver the bid on time, but you got seduced by Irish line-dancing lessons and forgot to mail it!"
The Boss: "I can't believe you're trying to pin the blame on the Irish."
"After months of work, I finished our bid for the huge galatikus project."
"I'll deliver it to them."
"If it's on minute late, we'll be disqualified. The future of our company depends on us winning this bid."
"He must think I'm a... Whoa, what's this?"
"Irish line dancing lessons 10% off."
Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.
Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?
voice from Dilbert's cell phone: i'll be forty minutes late.
dilbert: i just wasted twenty minutes waiting! why didn't you tell me as soon as you knew?
voice from phone: because i knew you would be a jerk about it. so i punished you.
dilbert: oh.
Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.
Boss: Leaving early? Dilbert: If you count the two hours I worked at home when I woke up, and the two hours I'll work tonight you'll come out way ahead today. Boss: How will I come out if you do all of that plus work late here?
Boss: You're just now getting here? Wally: It's zero degrees and the roads are all ice. I drank six cups of coffee before leaving the house and sat in traffic for two hours. Boss: You're three hours late. Wally: I spent the last hour stuck to a guardrail.
Coworker: I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late for our 10:50 meeting. Wally: We'll have to reschedule because I have another meeting at eleven. Tina: Reschedule? I'm only ten minutes late! Wally: Tell that to my 11:10.
Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.
