Lead Developer Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

54 Results for Lead Developer

View 1 - 10 results for lead developer comic strips. Discover the best "Lead Developer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lead developer, project, setting up for failure, gets cancelled, motions, hoping for cancellation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to the be lead developer on this project." The Boss says, "Don't check the other developers' work because it will make them angry." Dilbert says, "That's okay, as long as they do good work." The Boss says, "Actually, they do bad work. Very, very bad work." Dilbert says, "You are setting me up for certain failure." The Boss says, "If work were easy, no one would pay you to do it." Dilbert says, "Okay. I'll go through the motions while hoping the project gets canceled for other reasons." Dilbert says, "Keep up the bad work, Carl." Carl says, "Who told you?"

Dilbert Characters

Using Git

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Using Git - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, code, developer

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm hearing that none of your code has been implemented. why are you so unproductive? dilbert: your new lead developer doesn't know how to use git and he keeps overwriting my patches. the boss: i don't know what any of that means. dilbert: well, thank you for stopping by.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), laziness, seven layers of management, lead company, unknowingly, bad idea, input to avoid, ceo, middle management

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags saint dogbert, technology, demons, stupidity, make command, easy to remeber, software developer

View Transcript

Transcript

Saint Dogbert seeks out technology that has been possessed by the demons of stupidity. He Happens across a software developer. Man: I'll make the command easier to remember like CTRL- ALT-F4-DEL" and if they forget that they can just edit the source code in command. com perfect Dogbert: out! out!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags 3 hour meeting, doesn't apply, highly paid contractor, oxygen to brains, multimedia developer

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: It looks like you're off to a three-hour staff meeting that doesn't apply to me. Ted: Im glad Im a highly paid contractor, I'll be increasing my skills while you fight to get oxygen to your brains. THREE HOURS LATER TED: I became a multimedia developer, How was your day?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags horse drink, lead a horse to water, stick a hose, tape hose in mouth, horse drink water

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch armrest. Dogbert says, "Remember the old saying, Ratbert: you can lead a horse to water . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . But by the time you got there you'd smell like a horse and your butt would hurt." Ratbert asks, "If you stuck a hose in a horse's mouth and taped it there, could you make the horse drink?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah, I've tried it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert consulting comapny, lead project, bright enough, bad attitudes, no apparent reason, introduce ourselves, chummy with locals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I hired the 'Dogbert Consulting Company' to lead the project because none of you is bright enough." Dilbert looks angry. The Boss continues, "And you all have bad attitudes for no apparent reason; that's no way to be a leader." Wally asks, "Shall we go around the table and introduce ourselves?" Dogbert replies, "I don't get chummy with the locals."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags generic self help, consultant, keep a journal, lead by example, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert as they sit together at the kitchen table, "I've decided to become a generic self-help consultant." Dogbert continues, "I'll tell people to keep a journal of all their thoughts. Then I'll bill them." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How would that help anyone?" Dogbert replies, "I lead by example, my friend."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lead odg, view never changes, look at face, imlying, insightful analogy

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags senior engineer, lead engineer, pay is same, disrespect you, magic

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm promoting you from senior engineer to lead engineer. "The pay is the same but people will disrespect you less." Dilbert: "Including you?" The Boss: "It's not magic."