Search Results for "less meetings"
Share February 13, 2011's comic on:
The Boss says, "We have to learn to do more with less." Dilbert says, "Less meetings?" The Boss says, "No. We'll need more meetings to figure out how to do more with less." Alice says, "Less micro-management?" The Boss says, "No, I'll have to watch you more closely than ever to make sure you're doing mroe with less." The Boss says, "I'm talking about using less money." Alice says, "Oh, like a death spiral. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Alice says, "It's as if you're talking more to say less." Dilbert says, "Should we be more like you or less?"
Share June 05, 2008's comic on:
Wally says, "I took a class on being less useless. Now I see the world in a different light." Wally says, "For example, I recognize these staff meetings as colossal wastes of time, but there's nothing I can do about them." Wally says, "Now my helplessness makes my uselessness seem unimportant."
Share July 08, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.
Share May 03, 2004's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Alice: Im working 80 hours a week. I barely have time to bathe. Catbert: try using your tongue during meetings, Its like a bath and a loofah all in one. Alice: Or I could do less work. Catbert: Thats crazy talk.
Share January 26, 2016's comic on:
Share January 03, 2018's comic on:
Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?
Share April 21, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask Carol to help me schedule these meetings? Boss: Ooh... that's no good. She'd use it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing else for a week. Dilbert: Is it okay if I just stare at you in disbelief? Boss: Shouldn't you be scheduling some meetings?
Share January 20, 2011's comic on:
Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"
Share March 18, 2011's comic on:
Coworker says, "Why haven't you returned my calls?" Wally says, "I tried, but when I put the phone to my ear, it pressed my tragus over my ear hole and I couldn't hear a thing." Coworker says, "Do you do research on your excuses before meetings?" Wally says, "I'm not lazy, I'm useless. There's a big difference."
Share July 17, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.