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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2008's comic on:

Tags #copy document, #less valuable, #copy boy

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The Boss: I need someone to make ten copies of this document. Asok: Is there any risk that performing this task will make me appear less valuable? The Boss: I need someone to tell copy boy to get to work. Asok: Erk o"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2008's comic on:

Tags #office workers, #valuable, #value, #legacy system, #less valuable, #never appear less valuable, #dress code troll

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Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2008's comic on:

Tags #code monkey, #dreams, #evil director, #less work, #software simian, #architect, #engineering

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2007's comic on:

Tags #management software, #track 3, #least valuable asset, #noise cancellation, #headphones

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The Boss: Wally, I bought Dogbert's Management Software to yell at you so I don't have to." "I recommend Track 3, titled 'You're my least valuable asset'." Dogbert: Who wants to buy Dogbert's noise cancellation headphones for bad employees?" "I need you less than my mousepad."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview, #money

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Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #career path, #warn you, #maximum career potential, #less embarrassing car, #ne wocmpany, #ceo, #huge nbonus, #conversation

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Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #conversation, #discussion, #valuable input, #hear alarm

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Boss: When are you meeting with the customer? I'll join you to add my valuable input. Noise: Slurp. Dilbert: Does everyone hear that alarm or is it only in my head? Boss: I can stay all afternoon.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #creative, #ethical shortcuts, #less honest, #questions, #uncomfortable, #job interview

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Interview Alice: Are you creative? Man: Oh, yes. I'm very creative. Alice: Research tells us that creative people take ethical shortcuts and are generally less honest. Man: Ooh. Alice: Do you take a long time to do things? Man: I don't know the right answer!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2011's comic on:

Tags #doctors, #employees, #medicines, #nice guys, #paid less, #aggressive jerks, #offer raise, #testosterone injections, #illegal, #dangerous, #unethical, #tiny income, #business

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Dilbert: Studies show that nice guys get paid less than aggressive jerks. Dogbert: Maybe you should offer your doctor 10% of your next raise if he gives you testosterone injections. Dilbert: That would be illegal, dangerous, and unethical. Dogbert: Said the man with the tiny income.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.