Lied. Boss Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Lied. Boss
View 1 - 10 results for lied. boss comic strips. Discover the best "Lied. Boss" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 05,
1998
Tags #posterior, #fat ass, #chair, #prnak, #lied boss, #like goldfish, #big charis, #big ass
Transcript
Alice stands in front of the Boss' desk and says, "My posterior is growing to fit the size of my chair." The Boss asks, "Is that possible?" Alice replies, "Posteriors are like goldfish. They grow to the limit of their environment." The Boss replies, "That's ridiculous. I have the biggest chair. That would mean..." Alice quickly says, "Forget I brought it up. Well, back to work." Wally and Dilbert stand looking over the wall of a cubicle. Alice walks by and Dilbert asks, "Mission report?" Alice replies, "Success." Alice rubs her hands together and says, "The glue on his chair should be set by now." The Boss walks down the hall with his desk chair stuck to him. He thinks, "I guess this is why goldfishes don't use chairs."
Friday July 30,
2004
Tags #car, #late, #cold, #car wouldn't start, #warm out, #wind chill factor, #no actual car, #lied. boss, #excuse
Transcript
wally: I'm late because my car wouldn't start in the cold. The boss; Its warm outside. allyL theres a little thing called the wind chill factor. Hello - o - o -o!! Dilbert: that was wrong on many levels. wally: Someday Im gotta get a car.
Monday April 24,
2000
Tags #project plan, #without input, #lied to me, #skipped that step, #already assigned blame, #for failure
Transcript
Dilbert and Alice are seated together at a table when the Boss walks up and hands Dilbert a piece of paper. He says to Dilbert, "I finished the project plan without your input." As Dilbert reads the paper, the Boss goes on to say, "You would have lied to me anyway, so I just skipped that step." The Boss sits at the table with Dilbert and Alice and says, "I've already assigned blame for failure, but don't worry, it's just preliminary."
Saturday March 15,
2003
Tags #cutomers, #delivery, #business, #took money, #winner, #lied
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "A customer keeps asking when we'll deliver the stuff they bought." The Boss asks, "When will we?" Dilbert responds, "Never, you lied to them to get their business." Dilbert continues, "You took their money and gave them nothing. Do you know what that makes you?" The Boss exclaims, "The winner!"
Tuesday May 24,
2016
Boss Can't Be Your Friend
Tags #boss, #double standard, #employee, #hierarchy, #lunch, #rank, #guest artist, #jake tapper
Transcript
Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.
Wednesday August 17,
2016
A System For Transferring Mistakes
Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business
Transcript
Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.
Thursday November 08,
2018
Making Your Boss Look Good
Tags #boss, #criticism, #ego, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #responsibility
Transcript
Boss: You did this wrong. Dilbert: That's how you trained me to do it. Bob: You need to learn to take responsibility for my mistakes. It's called "making your boss look good". Dilbert: Maybe you could help a little too.
Friday November 09,
2018
Alice Makes Her Boss Look Good
Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Alice, always remember that a good employee makes her boss look good. Alice: Maybe I could toss a blanket over you when other people are around. Boss: I'm not talking about my physical appearance. Alice: The blanket would also muffle the sound.
Saturday November 10,
2018
Fyi Boss
Tags #boss, #email, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Boss: I've decided to be more of an "FYI Boss". I'll forward emails that already went to every employee and add a note saying, "FYI". Dilbert: Do you call that managing? Boss: No, I call it leading.
Thursday November 29,
2018
Everyone Is Their Own Boss
Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #employees, #company
Transcript
Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.