Like An Idiot Comic Strips
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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.
"Alice, I need you to be less productive." "I'll get an automatic promotion if I can justify hiring one more direct report." "If I'm going to work like an idiot, I might as well look like one."
Man says, "There is a very simple solution to the problem that is stumping Dilbert." Man says, "I will gladly explain it to him after this meeting." Dilbert says, "You're probably wrong, and yet you still made me look like an idiot." Man says, "I win!"
Dilbert stands by himself with a cocktail glass in his hand. He thinks, "I feel so awkward at these office parties . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I've already walked back and forth to the hors d'oeuvres six times." Dilbert thinks, "I'll stand close to these two and hope they include me." The man and woman turn their backs to Dilbert. He thinks, "It's not working." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody who is alone." Dilbert thinks, "Hmm . . . All the people standing alone look like losers." Dilbert thinks, "I'll just say something . . . What have I got to lose?" He says to the Boss, "Hi." Dilbert says, "I'm Dilbert. Waht do you do for a living?" The Boss replies, "I'm your boss, idiot."
The Boss thinks, "My old slogan was, 'Work smarter not harder.'" The Boss thinks, "But people kept leaving for companies that pay more for less work." The Boss stands behind Alice and says, "Work like a frightened idiot!" Alice says, "Catchy."
The Boss: "I just had my annual meeting with our Vice President." "We decided to combine your project with Project 'Bigfoot' because they're basically the same." Dilbert: "They're not the same! It only seems like it to you because you don't understand either project!" "Oh, well. It's too late to do anything. I told him they were the same." Dilbert: "Just call him and say you were wrong." The Boss: "I can see why you're not in management." "The logical solution is to wait for the next budget cut and eliminate your project, thus solving two problems." Dilbert: "There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot."
Dogbert answers the phone and says, "This is Dogbert. How may I abuse you?" The Boss sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I need to move my cursor to the right but my mouse is at the edge of the mousepad." Dogbert asks, "Have you tried rebooting without saving your files?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, several times." Dogbert asks, "Have you tried moving your desk?" The Boss pushes his desk. The Boss says, "It didn't work." Dogbert says, "You need my $800 mousepad upgrade." The Boss asks Carol, "What account does this get charged to?" Carol replies, "'Idiot Expense,' just like everything else."
Whos todays Guest Cartoonist? Hi rob the dinosaur here! Today I want to.... cut! Your name is Bob! Sir, Its like a million degrees in here, Cant we take a two minute break? No! You'll do it until you get it right. you idiot! you have dissected me. no pay for you! I hate dilbert, SSH! HE'll hear you! Answer: Go to Dilbert.com
"I'd like to return this Frisbee (TM). It doesn't fly right." "This is a software CD. Only a total idiot would think it was a Frisbee (TM)." "In my defense, the user's manual was poorly written." "Plus you're a total idiot."
The Boss says, "The opening is in sales. Do you like to travel." Man says, "Yes. It's my favorite thing." The Boss says, "No one likes business travel. You're either an idiot or you've never done business travel." Man says, "How dare you accuse me of not traveling."