Search Results for "list of defects"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 150

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2002's comic on:

Tags #weasel of layoffs, #experience, #histiate, #defects, #list of defects

View Transcript

Transcript

The hooded weasel approaches Ted's desk and says, "Hell-o-o-o Ted. I'm the weasel of layoffs." The weasel of layoffs continues, "If there's any way I can make this experience more humiliating, don't hesitate to ask." Ted exclaims, "Why, why me??!!" The weasel responds. "I'll tape a list of defects to your old chair."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2010's comic on:

Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."

To Do List

Thank you for voting.
To Do List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2018's comic on:

Tags #to-do list, #list, #task, #stress, #assignments

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'd better make a list of all the things I need to do today. Narrator: Eight hours later. Dilbert: I have 347 urgent tasks, and I add about seven new ones each day. I'll cross "make a to-do list" off my to-do list and call it a day.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #engaged, #diamond, #wrings, #selling, #tv, #shopping, #channel, #list, #price, #hundred, #dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

Linda says to Dilbert, Wally and Ted, "Look everyone, I'm engaged!" Dilbert says, "Hey, it's one of those 'near diamond' rings they were selling on the tv shopping channel for $29.95." Linda looks angry. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Of course it has a list price of over a hundred dollars . . ." As Linda walks away Wally says to Dilbert, "Ooh, good save."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1994's comic on:

Tags #approved underwear list, #blue jeans, #forbidden clothes, #morale, #new casual dress code, #shorts, #tanktops

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I thought it necessary to provide detailed guidelines to our new casual dress code." "Forbidden clothing includes: shorts, tank tops, tee shirts, shirts with slogans, blue jeans, sneakers and sandals." Dilbert: "My morale is soaring." The Boss: "Appendix 'A' is the approved underwear list."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 1995's comic on:

Tags #united charity, #below average, #pay level, #income, #local agroups, #approved list, #team player, #fund agency, #away from scoiety

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of Dilbert who is seated at his desk. Wally is reading a piece of paper and says to Dilbert, "Your contributions to 'United Charity' are below average for your pay level." Dilbert says, "Actually, I donate ten percent of my income and thousands of hours to local groups not on your approved list." Wally writes on the sheet, ". . . Not a team player." Dilbert says, "I fund an agency that keeps people like you away from society."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1995's comic on:

Tags #bob in procurement, #approved equipment list, #approved list, #more work, #alleged test, #philosophy, #bob the dinosaur

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is in Bob the Dinosaur's office. Bob says, "I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list." Bob continues, "Let me think . . . if I add this to the approved list, that's more work for ME . . . but if I say no, it's more work for YOU . . . hmm . . . think, think . . ." Wally says, "I'd like to see this alleged list." Bob replies, "Well, it's not so much a physical list as it is a philosophy."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1995's comic on:

Tags #ratbert, #temp worker, #really testing self worth, #compensate list of talents, #walks past, #ignore i eat rubber, #i carry disease, #i enjoy opera

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert is in his box. He thinks, "This is really testing my sense of self-worth." Ratbert continues thinking, "I will compensate by shouting a list of my talents to anybody who walks past." Dilbert is standing next to Wally. Dilbert says, "Ignore him. He's trying to trick us into making eye contact." Out of view, Ratbert shouts, "I eat rubber! I carry disease! I enjoy opera!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1996's comic on:

Tags #re; ese new prodcut, #many defects, #economic impact, #projected icome, #assumptions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "It looks like we'll release our new product on time, despite its many defects." Dilbert continues, "We've minimized the economic impact of the defects via an advanced business process called 'hoping nobody notices.'" Dilbert continues, "And we've doubled our projected income by modifying our assumptions!" Wally adds, "A lot of this job is mental."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 1996's comic on:

Tags #layoff list, #Wally, #claimed chair, #few minutes ago, #hard on survivors

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted says to Wally, "I hear you're on the layoff list, Wally. Has anyone claimed your chair yet?" A man says, "I claimed it a few minutes ago." Ted yells, "Liar!" As the two men fight, Wally says, "I guess it's true what they say about layoffs being hard on the survivors."