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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #good leader, #listens emplyees, #laughing on inside, #good time

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Wally stands in front of The Boss. The Boss says, "A good leader listens to his employees..." Wally stands, The Boss says off-frame, "No matter how much he is laughing on the inside." Wally says, "Maybe this isn't a good time." The boss makes a funny face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #project staus report, #random pharse, #generatormmeail, #listens, #when he's talking

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"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #clear strategy, #fixing, #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #leader listens, #managers & supervisors, #overworked, #resources, #underlings, #underpiad, #business

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Boss: A good leader listens to his underlings. Alice: Fine. I've overworked and underpaid. I hate my co-workers, I don't have the resources to do my job, and we have no clear strategy. Boss: No wonder leaders listen. It's a lot easier than fixing all of that stuff.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cabaret, #liza, #minneli, #walkman, #sony, #musical, #doctor, #doctors office

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A man with a stethoscope listens to Dilbert's breathing and says, "Cough." Dilbert coughs. The man says, "Sing 'Life is a Cabaret' like Liza Minneli." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The man replies, "I left my Sony Walkman at home."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #mishap, #hair, #grown, #formula, #strong, #urge, #sunglasses, #porsche

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Dilbert lies on a couch in a therapist's office. Dilbert says as the psychiatrist listens and takes notes, "Things have been strange since the mishap with my hair growth formula." Dilbert continues, "I have a strong urge to buy sunglasses and drive a Porsche . . ." Dilbert continues, "And I worry that people won't take me seriously." The psychologist has drawn a picture of Dilbert on her notepad.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #marriage, #counselor, #fight, #squeeze, #tube, #toothpaste, #empty, #rug, #bottom, #hog, #blankets, #snort, #animal, #behavior, #pig

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Dogbert sits in a chair holding a pen and a pad of paper. Dogbert listens as a patient says, "We have a running fight over how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste." A man who is sitting next to a woman who looks like a pig says, "I like to squeeze it from the bottom. She prefers to empty the tube on the rug and roll around in it." Dogbert asks, "At night, does she 'hog' the blankets and snort?" The man replies, "Wow, it's like you know her."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #catbert the hr director, #invent illogical policies, #annoy emplyees, #diabolical dress code, #question sanity, #casual clothes, #wally insane

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Catbert is at his desk. He thinks, "I think I'll invent some illogical policies to annoy employees." Catbert continues thinking, "My diabolical new dress code will make them question their own sanity." Reading a document, Dilbert tells Wally, ". . . So, casual clothes DON'T lower our stock value . . . but only if worn on Fridays . . . unless somebody sees us . . . Got it?" Wally puts his hands on his head and replies, "I think I'm insane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #such cubicle enviroment, #regular emplyees, #enjoy, #sharing cubicle, #co ops, #new co op, #lasted a day, #fit in

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The Boss walks down the hall with a new employee. The Boss says, "As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy." The Boss brings the man to a cubicle filled with people lying on top of each other. The Boss says, "You'll be sharing this cubicle with our other co-ops." Dilbert says to Alice, "I heard that the new co-op only lasted one day." Alice quips, "He didn't fit in."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #small fonts, #save disk space, #semi colons, #colons, #was fun, #new ideas, #next staff meeting

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Dilbert listens as Asok says to the Boss, "My idea is that everyone should be required to use small fonts. That way we'll save disk space." Asok continues, "And I've noticed that many people use entire colons in situations where a semicolon would do just fine." As they walk away, Asok says to Dilbert, "You're right, that was fun." Dilbert replies, "The real fun is when he describes his new ideas at the next staff meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #strategic alliance, #doomed, #inefficient managemnet, #create competing compnay, #must find, #new company, #strategic allainace

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Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector and points at a skull and crossbones diagram. Dilbert says, "The status of our strategic alliance is 'doomed.'" Dilbert continues while the Boss listens, "Our ponderous and inefficient management style caused their best people to quit and create a competing company." The Boss says, "We must find a way to destroy that new company." Dilbert replies, "I'll see if they're interested in a strategic alliance."