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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 1994's comic on:

Tags #genetic research, #clone, #obedient slaves, #conquer, #world dominion, #living things, #work on giant cucumbers, #arms and legs

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Genetic research Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things. scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers. Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #couples, #dating, #play games, #guess the lie, #say 2 things, #dating games, #obvious things, #relationships

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Woman: Let's play a game. We each say two things about ourselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert: I love to play games like that. My second thing is that I eat food.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2011's comic on:

Tags #declare failure, #explaining things, #frustration, #incompetence, #office workers, #partial victory, #platform upgarde, #teds brain, #trapped

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Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1989's comic on:

Tags #phil, #Dilbert, #living room, #Dogbert, #damned, #darned, #sitting

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Dilbert asks Phil, the Ruler of Heck, "Then . . . I won't be damned?" Phil replies, "Just 'darned.' It was a misdemeanor." Phil continues, "You must set your thermostat for 76 degrees and stay in the living room for fifteen minutes." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I'm sorry, Dogbert. I brought this upon us." Dogbert says, "It's something you'll have to live with."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #bob, #dawn, #dinosaurs, #bedroom, #kitchen, #living, #room, #mess, #rex

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Dawn the Dinosaur says to Bob, "Our baby still needs a name." Dilbert says, "He's wrecking my living room!!" Dilbert says, "Now he's wrecking my kitchen!!" Bob says, "Names . . . Names . . ." Dilbert says, "He's wrecking my bedroom!!" Bob asks, "How about Rex?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #great, #things, #dog, #nap, #time, #want, #tired, #hate, #life, #Dogbert

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Dogbert thinks, "One of the great things about being a dog is that we can take a nap any time we want." Dogbert continues thinking, "Sometimes we do it because we're tired." Dogbert lies on his back as Dilbert walks by carrying a briefcase. Dogbert thinks, "But mostly, we do it to make you hate your life."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #cost, #sending, #budgeting, #married, #kid, #price, #living, #modern, #society, #cave, #hunt, #bison

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "The cost of sending a child to college is rising so quickly . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . We need to start budgeting now, in case I ever get married and have a kid." Dogbert says, "I guess that's the price for living in a modern society." Dilbert says, "In the meantime, we'll have to live in a cave and hunt bison."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1992's comic on:

Tags #ratbert, #Dogbert, #poll, #results, #name, #outside, #living, #room, #guy, #kitchen, #discouraged

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Ratbert says to Dogbert, "The poll results are in." Ratbert reads a document and continues, "You still have low name recognition outside of the living room . . . But some guy in the kitchen thinks he's heard of you." Ratbert continues, "Don't be discouraged, uh . . . Uh . . ." Dogbert yells, "Dogbert!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1994's comic on:

Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug

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The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1994's comic on:

Tags #about co workers, #donuts, #get prompted, #say bad things, #weight, #woman, #medical

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DOGBERT: If you want to get promoted , say bad things about co workers so you look better by comparison. Dilbert: Geez, Lisa, It looks like you've been hotting the donuts pretty hard lately. Dilbert: heh-hehe...big things are coming my way soon.